I used to work for a large corporation and one day I found myself in a meeting with a bunch of female vice presidents where I was the only man there. The presenter was unable to display on the big screen because she didn’t have a connector; I happened to have the right kind and loaned it to her.
She said “you’re pretty handy to have around.” My brain decided that a clever thing to say in response would be “well, I’m pretty well-endowed in the dongle department” and I started to say that before my brain thought better of it and cut me off. So what I actually said was “well, I’m pretty well-endowed”. One woman in the room actually guffawed but everybody else managed to ignore it - although I’m willing to bet this story was told later more than a few times.
I went to a food truck festival a few weeks ago, and holy shit the prices of stuff. I don’t think there was a single item you could get for less than $18, and that was like the price of three french fries.
My cousin had 18 cats at one point. He lived next to public land in Florida in a spot where people frequently dumped cats, and most of them ended up living in his house. He had a room with a kiddie pool filled with litter. He’s also a die-hard white supremacist despite being half-Thai, proof that people are complicated.
I woke up the other night and turned on the light and my cat immediately ran over to my bed and stared intently at the corner above my head. She does this a lot randomly and I laughed until I looked up and saw the two-inch long cockroach sitting there.
I’m a school bus driver and we get tipped (at Christmas and the end of the year). It’s fucking ridiculous. One of my coworkers last year even handed out tip envelopes to the kids - and got suspended for it, fortunately. Imagine being a parent and seeing that bullshit when your kid brings it home.
I don’t throw away the gift cards, of course, but it genuinely means a lot more to me when I get a hand-written card from one of my kids (especially if it’s not accompanying money).
I went to Olive Garden restaurant once with a friend of mine, and during dinner he made the claim that Olive Garden consumes 20% of the world’s black olive supply. I couldn’t convince him of how ludicrous this was even despite pointing out the measly two slices of black olive in our shared salad bowl.
I was just thinking about this girl I worked with at a summer camp who suddenly said “you have amazing eyes” while I was talking to her. It was genuinely like two years later until I realized she said that because she was into me. I wasted the whole summer chasing a Dutch girl who, when I asked her at the end why I hadn’t gotten anywhere with her, said “I was disappointed in your physique.”
I love watching Youtube videos of native Italians eating at Olive Garden. It’s not just that they hate the food because of course they do, it’s that they get so incredibly angry at the very concept of someone daring to call that food “Italian”.
I had this same username on Reddit for awhile and I got hit up by guys a few times. Like, dudes - it’s a fucking Kids in the Hall sketch. I am not an actual chicken lady.
I was browsing the tool section at a Home Depot once a couple of years ago when a very attractive young woman came up to me and started asking me about my project. I’m not so dense that I thought she was hitting on me, but I couldn’t figure out her angle and I thought maybe she was a prostitute or something. Turns out she was a Milwaukee sales rep and she was trying to encourage people (men, rather) to buy some Milwaukee cordless tools.