lemm.ee

ricecake, to lemmyshitpost in How much for cuddles?

I’m glad everyone finds it weird and gross, but I’m also amused at how many people don’t know this is a five year old joke from a mommy blogger at this point.

Never actually real, just meant to make people who were currently dealing with sticker boards and feeling weird about it chuckle.

JDubbleu,

It honestly blows my mind how many people on Lemmy are completely incapable of interpreting sarcasm. I know Poe’s Law and all that, but this is pretty clearly a joke.

bstix,

The comments are really weird. Not just about the chart training and prostitutional aspect, but also that people who argue about it still seem to have a shared opinion that stererotypical men won’t do these tasks.

So, even if they acknowledge that the meme is crazy in one way or the other, they’re still reinforcing the negative stereotype of the bumbling sitcom dad and that these tasks are not manly or something.

This joke is quite toxic even when understood as a joke.

TimewornTraveler,

if you think people like this don’t really exist then… lucky you!

kromem, (edited )

As has been pointed out before, Lemmy is mostly people who up and left Reddit.

There’s a variety of different archetypes that did that.

And it explains a lot of the more head scratching experiences I’ve had here.

The_Lopen,

I’m appalled that you actually expect me to do research on memes and not accept them at face value. Leave my propaganda addled mind in peace dammit.

HowManyNimons,

Ten. It’s a ten year old joke.

ricecake,

Oh, you’re right. Also: oh God, you’re right. :(

MaoZedongers, to lemmyshitpost in How much for cuddles?

That’s fucking horrifying.

How many stickers to get his soul back?

JimmyChanga, to memes in Spices too

Just found out I’m allergic, which explains a lot, fucking nightmare though

superduperenigma, to lemmyshitpost in How much for cuddles?

Sure, she may have infantalized him to an embarrassing degree, but at least she posted it online so the entire world can see how unhealthy their marriage is and how transactional their sex live is.

0x4E4F,
@0x4E4F@sh.itjust.works avatar

Excuse me, but, she made it transactional.

TseseJuer,

no shit, are you illiterate?

0x4E4F, (edited )
@0x4E4F@sh.itjust.works avatar

Look at the chart, she made it… I don’t understand where the confusion is…

TseseJuer,

this has already been proven to be a joke post

can,

online so the entire world can see how unhealthy their marriage

Not to mention their fucking child. Hopefully “daddy” is just a nickname.

StarPupil,

Unless the throw up he’s cleaning and blown out diaper he’s changing are hers, probably not. Also “rugrats” he bathed.

can,

Well damn

HipsterTenZero, (edited ) to memes in Spices too
@HipsterTenZero@dormi.zone avatar

I once had a coworker who just took a bite out of a raw onion right in front of me. They were completely unfazed, like it was an apple or something. I’m still a little emotionally scarred.

Damage,

Was he Eastern European?

HipsterTenZero,
@HipsterTenZero@dormi.zone avatar

No, I don’t think so. He was a younger guy from the southern US, if I remember correctly. Is that something east europeans do on the regular??

Schmoo,

Younger guy from the southern US here, I have done this just to fuck with people. I’m just not very sensitive to the “bite” onions are supposed to have. I can chop quite a few of them before my eyes start to water.

nevemsenki,

As an eastern european, we eat everything with onions and garlic. Hell, I even eat onions on their own time to time, it tastes good.

thumbman,

Southern guy probably was eating a Vidalia onion. The soil is low in sulfur, I believe, and has a more neutral acidity, so the onion is pretty uniquely sweet. I heard one older southerner call them dirt apples.

drcobaltjedi,

There are actually onions that you can do that with. I think the soil where those are grown is low on sulfer or something so the onion cant make the chemical responsible for making your eyes water.

Sigh_Bafanada,

I’ll usually eat a could wee chunks of an onion after I dice it up, and the other day I was surprised by how palatable the onion was that I was eating. Normally I enjoy eating a couple tiny pieces raw, but this was an onion I could see myself taking a big ol bite out of

GlitterInfection,
leanleft,
@leanleft@lemmy.ml avatar

1015

OhStopYellingAtMe,
@OhStopYellingAtMe@lemmy.world avatar

My grandfather used to eat vidalia onions like apples. They’re pretty sweet & mild.

wren,
@wren@sopuli.xyz avatar

Do you happen to work at a mid-sized paper company?

LilB0kChoy,

No, that was a potato… or a beet.

wren,
@wren@sopuli.xyz avatar

But you gotta admit, it’s a very Creed thing to do

niktemadur,

I once knew a guy who peeled and ate a full garlic like one would do with an orange or mandarin, while walking and talking casually.

menemen,
@menemen@lemmy.world avatar

When I was a child we often had peeled garlic on the table for me to snack on it during dinner. I must have smelled hideously.

Simulation6,

Sweet onions were consider a desert by the Romans and they would eat them like we do apples.

Got_Bent,

I had a surly paternal grandmother who seemed to revel in making the lives of children miserable.

When I was about four years old, I asked for a snack, and she gave me a raw onion.

I sat at the kitchen table and ate the entire fucking thing like it was the sweetest piece of fruit known to history, staring her in the eye the whole time.

If I had been just a little bit older and thought of it, I would’ve asked her for another one.

She died when I was seven. My reaction to this, as she lived in Washington State, was, “Does that mean we get to see Mount Saint Helens?” as the volcano had gone off just a couple weeks prior.

feedum_sneedson,

That would have given me stomach cramps that made me pray for death.

drwho, to privacy in Ah yes, smart lights need Tor.

Destination port 123/udp isn’t Tor. That’s NTP.

Thteven, to lemmyshitpost in How much for cuddles?
@Thteven@lemmy.world avatar

That man’s soul is screaming for help behind those eyes.

xor,

notice how his eyebrows have fallen out…

pH3ra, to lemmyshitpost in How much for cuddles?
@pH3ra@lemmy.ml avatar

He’s gonna give her the blow job

0x4E4F,
@0x4E4F@sh.itjust.works avatar

Come here you big hunk and suck on this juicy clit!!!

Yep, that’ll get me in the mood in no time.

EnderMB, to lemmyshitpost in How much for cuddles?

I’d love to see him retaliate with a chart for her

[x] Stop being a cunt -> Stay Married

0x4E4F,
@0x4E4F@sh.itjust.works avatar

Mhm, that would be my ace of spades.

Katrisia,

Sure, the spouse that has to create a reward system so that the other person does their chores is the one in the wrong, not the spouse that apparently needs parenting. Also, marriage is a favor to the former, not something both want and benefit from (/sarcasm).

woobie,

You say she “has to create” this and that he “apparently needs parenting”. Did you have some additional context that informs that opinion?

Couldn’t there be other reasons, such as she just doesn’t like doing those particular chores?

MaoZedongers,

Motherfucker got caught with their bias hanging out

Shelbyeileen, to memes in Spices too
@Shelbyeileen@lemmy.world avatar

It sucks having an allium intolerance… no one will take my garlic from me though, even if it makes me miserable later

Quexotic, to memes in Spices too

I have mixed feelings because they are dog poison. Makes me feel like they’re kind of evil.

RizzRustbolt,

They’re people poison too. We just out-toleranced them.

Quexotic,

Really? I didn’t know!

TexasDrunk,

I feel like that’s a lot of things. Some of us poison ourselves recreationally with alcohol.

ethan,

If grapes and chocolate are evil I think I’d rather be evil.

Quexotic,
dessimbelackis, to comicstrips in "One Ring To Rule Them All" by ArcadeRage

Isilpurrrrrr

BeefPiano, to lemmyshitpost in How much for cuddles?

“Get out of the dog house card” isn’t going to work the way either of them think. Pulling that card when you’re in the doghouse is not going to make her fine with whatever upset her. There’s a good chance she’ll say she’s “fine” because she doesn’t want to renege on her chart, but whatever conflict isn’t going to resolve itself because he gave her that card.

Trading sex for chores is gross. I don’t want a BJ or lap-dance from a partner that is only doing it because the sticker chart says she has to.

It’s also insane that things like washing dishes or packing lunches or changing diapers aren’t part of the baseline expectations for a dad. You don’t get an award for doing the bare minimum!

Both of these people are demonstrating the emotional intelligence of a block of cheese.

Kolanaki,
@Kolanaki@yiffit.net avatar

I guess I’m just kinky, because the idea of chores for sex sounds pretty awesome to me.

0x4E4F, (edited )
@0x4E4F@sh.itjust.works avatar

It sound good till you actually experience that and realize how degrading it is.

Look, I’m a male and I completely get the “I’m horny all the time” aspect of males, but… if she did this, that’s a complete downer for me. Mind you, I love sex, I would have it a few times a day if I could.

Rolando,

I think that the key is to have a “safe word”.

Buddahriffic,

Does she want sex or does she want chores done? Because if it’s just the latter, then I wouldn’t really want sex either.

If you’re ever handed a chore chart and it’s not part of a kink, then assume your relationship is in serious trouble.

0x4E4F,
@0x4E4F@sh.itjust.works avatar

I was thinking more in terms of the latter. If it’s part of a kink, sure.

Kusimulkku,

It sound good till you actually experience that and realize how degrading it is.

Some are into that

Signtist,

It depends on how seriously it’s followed. My wife will often say something along the lines of “if you make dinner I’ll let you feel me up,” but it’s with the mutual understanding that she knows I’d make her dinner because she asked regardless of the reward, and I know she wouldn’t offer it if she wasn’t happy to give it - she just wants to make sure we have dinner first.

This chart’s a bit too far, though, since it’s a more long-term commitment that doesn’t factor in everyone’s feelings at the time that the rewards come due, but I could see that being circumvented in the event that a “rain check” could be called if someone’s not feeling it at that moment.

ch00f,
dditty,

I was in a relationship with a controlling partner who made something very similar to this back in ~2016. I can’t remember exactly what was on it, but there was definitely a sexual favor reward for some amount of chores (it was like I had to give her X hour-long full body massages or smth) 💀

GrayBackgroundMusic,

true mvp

funkless_eck,

🎵 the lap dance is better when the stripper has stiiickers 🎵

figjam,

I mean, yeah. I love stickers!

Geobloke,

Said her name was Bambi

Buddahriffic,

Had about as much teeth as a jack-o’-lantern.

Classy,

I was gonna say, the way I care for our kid, if we had done this chart I wouldn’t have had time to do anything but get continuous blow jobs and lap dances!

SpaceNoodle,

Don’t slander cheese like that.

jopepa,

Imagine the French and Italian retaliation if they had said wheel of cheese.

Kecessa,

I’m kind of disturbed by the fact that they call it “being in the dog house”… Is it a common expression in English?

papalonian,

Someone else answered but yes it’s a boomer expression. Basically to mean you’re in trouble with your spouse. (They aren’t letting you in their bed so you go to sleep with your dog in the dog house.)

WhiteOakBayou,

Yes, I’ve never heard a real person use it but I’ve heard it on TV enough to know what it means. I think it’s a boomer expression.

JackbyDev,

Trading sex for chores is gross.

Don’t kink shame.

chetradley,

It’s also insane that things like washing dishes or packing lunches or changing diapers aren’t part of the baseline expectations for a dad.

This is the one that gets me the most. Like, I do the majority of a lot of these things in addition to taking my kid to daycare, doing almost all of the cooking, etc. I do it because I want to help my family, not because I’m saving up for a toothy blowjob.

0x4E4F,
@0x4E4F@sh.itjust.works avatar

I do all that, and yet, it’s still not enough… always expected to do more and nagged about not doing enough.

chetradley,

Sounds like you need to put the toilet seat down more lol

0x4E4F,
@0x4E4F@sh.itjust.works avatar

It’s always down.

BestBouclettes, to memes in Spices too

Sucks to have IBS, it’s hard to avoid alliums…

theangryseal,

Me too, and I just suffer for it haha.

I know it’s stupid, but I just can’t give up good food. My stomach will hurt so bad it feels like I have back problems or something and I’m still not eating spaghetti without my garlic bread.

I don’t eat the good stuff constantly, most of my meals are bland. When I get a chance though I don’t pass on it.

emptiestplace,

How sensitive are you? I’ve found I struggle with them a bit if I eat lots suddenly after not eating them for a while, but if I continue, it tends to be fine. My guess is that the reason it is inconsistent for me is related to fluctuations in gut bacteria partially due to what I am eating…

I know actual IBS is no joke, but I think it would be interesting to determine your threshold and see if you can change it at all. For example, eat a pea-sized piece of onion and wait a couple days. No effect, start eating a pea-sized piece of onion every day and wait for cumulative effects (a week or two?). Still no effect, add another piece for one day, go back to regular dose for a couple days, etc. When you reach the point where it starts to cause discomfort, back off a bit and try to push it again in a week or two.

BestBouclettes,

I’ve never really tried to change it, I adapted as best as I could.
I’m intolerant to most fodmap (lactose, mannitol, fructans, gos and fructose). I also noticed that gluten can wreck me if I eat too much of it, fatty food can trigger me as well as alcohol.
It was hard to get used to it but now it’s a question of self regulation. I skip most of the things that trigger me and indulge sometimes, often a bit too much and I have to face the consequences for up to a week or so. Lactose is the easiest to deal with because of lactase, the rest not so much… I guess at least I’m not celiac or suffering of Crohn’s, so that’s that I guess.

calculuschild, to memes in Spices too

All yums.

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