Bestupdates is an archival community bringing together all the parts of a posted saga into one post. It’s not for giving advice to the original OP. To do that you should follow the info at the post start and link at the bottom to track down the original posts from the original OP.
tl;dr- this is a voyeur community, not an advice community
that is a very nice read and i dislike all the jerks who belived that he did not love her. And yes, it sometimes needs a harsh wake up call to be better in staying alive
In addition to what @ScrivenerX said, this is also problematic because you seem to think women are aware someone is an abuser and then continue to date them. Abusers are incredibly manipulative and isolate their victims as much as possible over time so that they feel they can't realistically leave once they reveal their true selves.
There needs to be better awareness and support structure for postpartum depression and postpartum psychosis. It is truly horrifying and when you’re a parent, you often don’t realize it’s happening until things are really bad. The mother has really scary intrusive thoughts (sometimes intensely violent) and often does not feel safe to open up and get help. There are many tragic stories out there where things spiraled completely out of control and ended up in infanticide or suicide, sometimes both.
Mothers and their partners/spouses preparing to have children need to learn how to identify it and have a plan for what to do if it happens. It’s more common than you might think, and support is needed when it happens.
This may go against the general tenor here, but parents are people too and make mistakes, sometimes big ones. Your life is finite, and so is theirs. When they are gone, you'll never have the chance to see them again. I would let them back in, maybe at least hear what they have to say. Could be just me though.
Sure, they’re human and humans make mistakes. It doesn’t mean I (or my husband and kids, in the case of OP) have to be there while you work them out. Work them out and try again in a few years. More likely than not, staying will just enable them and they won’t be motivated to fix the issue.
Life is hard. Parenting is hard. Being in a relationship is hard. Why would OP add an extra layer to that by having to worry when they’re going to demonstrate their shitty racist beliefs in front of the people she loves?
My parents are dead too and I still think my father being an abusive and racist piece of shit made him an abusive and racist piece of shit that I don’t really miss.
OP heard what they had to say: a slur and insult. You don’t double down on mistakes when you’re supposed to be asking for forgiveness.
queer people often learn that family are just people in your life… many of us have chosen family who love and respect us for who we are, because our family have let us down beyond measure. don’t ever feel obligated to stick around for anyone just because they’re family: surround yourself with people who love you, regardless of if you share blood relations or not
Yeah, I know. And I knew this would be the reaction here. And for many people what you suggest is the right answer. I am only saying, it might not be for everyone. There is a lot of nuance that tends to be left out of these descriptions, and a world of information we're not getting.
Finish that last thought. "I don't know what else you need... to never talk to your parents again, ever." People can change, and the grave is cold and final. (Although I just realized, I only read the TL;DR version. There might be stuff here I'm not getting. Did the initial post change after I wrote my first comment? Anyway, I may be wrong here depending on the full story.)
I was just responding to your last sentence, “maybe at least hear what they have to say”, and pointed out that they already did that and the results are already in the original post. By saying “I don't know what else you need” I was implying that this is probably enough to judge their character and make a decision on how to move forward with one's relationship with them. To never talk to your parents again, ever, is a legitimate decision to make after considering these variables, and it's not our place to force the author to constantly second-guess that decision.
ASking out someone the day after leaving a long term relationship doesn’t seem like the best decision and makes me think he might actually be the douche bag here.
I mean, it sounds like he’s been done with the relationship for a long time. The official breakup might have been recent but the feelings sound long gone. As long as the other person is aware of the situation and is ok with it, I don’t see a problem. Though both of them should be aware that it might not work out, but really that’s every relationship.
As someone who was in a 10 year marriage that was shit the last years of it
You’ve been emotionally broken up for years. It’s clear once you’re out. It might be hard to understand unless you’ve been there, but it’s absolutely true. You realize you haven’t been in a relationship in a very long time, so it’s not “the day after” it’s a few years and a day after
Yeah i hated the consensus that everyone on Lemmy wanted 15 year old memes but absolutely NO REDDIT REPOSTS!!! Even if they’re entertaining and keep me from going back to reddit…
Blocked the antiquememeshow community. So annoying.
Too one sided and perfect. Pretty good way to kill a few minutes reading though. If I were on Reddit, I'd make my way r/amitheangel to see what's the opinion there.
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