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Finnbot, in My (29f) parents ghosted me 5 years ago after my wedding and now reached out. What do I do?
@Finnbot@lemmy.world avatar

I just can’t understand how parents can treat their kids that way. And worse, refuse to be in their grandkids lives!

My “mum” has always been a spiteful, hate filled birch. We haven’t had the best relationship and as a kid I used to get the utter shit beat out of me when I did anything wrong. So I’d act up all the time. Get told I was just like my “piece of shit” biological father, who tried to kill me and had never been part of my life.

Despite all this and despite a lifetime of being out down by her, I remained in contact. Big mistake. It all came to a head in January of this year. I’m 7 months no contact with her - I don’t have her bringing me down, deadnaming my kids and generally being a horrid bastard. So much better!

passably9, in My boyfriend doesn't want to marry me because I'm an immigrant + UPDATE

Man was getting a truly loving wife with not having to work as hard as her, on a plate

His ego threw him down the dominance heirarchy, without him even realising

Kecessa,

He didn’t necessarily have an easier job than her, just one that pays less (I don’t think she mentioned the field he works in?). I work an office job, I’m paid much more than my friend that’s a mechanic and I know for a fact that his job is much harder.

mihnt,
@mihnt@lemmy.world avatar

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  • onionbaggage,

    So he has a substantially harder job then.

    Kecessa,

    Well then, it’s not as if being a teacher is easy! Freaking hell…

    SpaceNoodle,

    This is what we mean when we talk about “toxic masculinity” - this guy’s so-called friends, and his inability to cope or seek help.

    passably9,

    Men have a evolutionary tendency to be the “protector”/“provider”. So I do sympathise with him a little bit

    But yeah, in today’s rational world, if your female partner is not going to be nagging or leaving you for earning less. I see nothing but a win here

    Lmaydev,

    That’s really not how genetics work. Masculinity is mostly a learned thing.

    It’s so easy to blame evolution for being an idiot.

    Nythos,

    Fuck that. It’s nothing more than him feeling emasculated and his mates making fun of him that his partner was earning more than him.

    TheOminousBulge,
    @TheOminousBulge@kbin.social avatar

    To give you the benefit of the doubt, I think your hearts in the right place with this comment. But i want to respond to it because it does bring up a common sentiment that bugs the hell out of me.

    I don't really buy the provider part of this sentiment and even if instinct played a role here, it doesn't excuse ape-like behavior. You might be wired to notice wide hips and smooth skin, but continuing to stare at or lust after a girl after you realize she's 16 years old still makes you a creep.

    We are men, not ignorant monkeys controlled by our instincts and I find it insulting when someone tries to excuse ape behavior with this kind of reasoning. We're still 100% accountable for our actions.

    nodiet,

    This “evolutionary tendency” stuff is a myth. Just like the whole hunter/gatherer gender divide.

    ShortBoweledClown,

    It’s called socialization dawg, not some kind of genetic essentialism

    Thorry84, in My boyfriend doesn't want to marry me because I'm an immigrant + UPDATE

    Wants to be a provider, becomes a teacher in the US. Still thinks his girlfriend wants to marry him to become part of his great country.

    The brainwashing is something else in the US. What an absolute fool.

    Obi,
    @Obi@sopuli.xyz avatar

    Glad I’m not the only one that was thinking along those lines while reading this. She’ll be just fine in France where this mentality is long dead (France has other problems though).

    Thorry84,

    Sssst! Don’t tell the French they have problems, they’ll call another national week of riots.

    Obi,
    @Obi@sopuli.xyz avatar

    Goede avond, being French myself I have a special pass ;)

    lorez, in My boyfriend doesn't want to marry me because I'm an immigrant + UPDATE

    He’s an insecure man with outdated values. You did well on leaving him and good luck with your new French adventure!

    ChamrsDeluxe, in My boyfriend doesn't want to marry me because I'm an immigrant + UPDATE

    What an absolute buffoon. Dense motherfucker.

    Kecessa, in My boyfriend doesn't want to marry me because I'm an immigrant + UPDATE

    I was going to suggest looking for a job in Canada as I’m pretty sure we have accelerated processes for people in STEM, but good for you for getting a job in France!

    FlyingSquid, in My boyfriend doesn't want to marry me because I'm an immigrant + UPDATE
    @FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

    That is so fucking stupid. My wife earns far more than me. That’s fine. She’s also smarter and more educated than me. I’m just happy to contribute to the family.

    boatsnhos931, in My boyfriend doesn't want to marry me because I'm an immigrant + UPDATE

    I want sugar mommy :(

    Lmaydev,

    Yeah this is literally the dream. What a moron.

    elouboub, in My boyfriend doesn't want to marry me because I'm an immigrant + UPDATE
    @elouboub@kbin.social avatar

    You never know what's true on the internet, but the world is full of tradiots like these. Good riddance + France is better than the US anyway (except if you have to use public transport in the summer, lol - good luck with the strikes)

    Pinto23, in My boyfriend doesn't want to marry me because I'm an immigrant + UPDATE

    Wow your ex is a dumbass. Truly. I’d bend way over backwards to have a gf that earned considerably more. If my buds made fun of me over it and wouldn’t stop. They wouldn’t be buds anymore.

    What complete fool.

    Best of luck to you.

    StringPotatoTheory, in Anyone want to help mod?

    I’m interested! I’ve modded a small community before back on reddit, and a few small discord servers.

    I was also addicted to reading BORU posts.

    Barack_Ollama,

    Added you :), since you mentioned doing stuff on discord, would you be able to create a group chat for us mods to chat about the path forward/etc. for this community? I don’t have a discord, but can create one. It looks like there isn’t a built-in group chat feature here on Lemmy :(

    CC: @nosut & @phthalocyanin

    StringPotatoTheory,

    I’ll make a discord server and send the invite link via dms on lemmy to everyone. This way we won’t get pinged for every message sent, and we can create as many channels as we think we need. @nosut and @phthalocyanin

    stuck_in_the_shell, in My boyfriend doesn't want to marry me because I'm an immigrant + UPDATE

    What an absolute fool, the OOP dodged a bullet and this man child will be having a lifetime of regret.

    On another note glad to see a community like this on here, this was one of the few subs that I still found interesting to read instead of the flood of low quality reposts and bot posts on reddit’s front page.

    magamus, in My boyfriend doesn't want to marry me because I'm an immigrant + UPDATE

    What the hell is wrong with some people. So sorry you had to go through that. As a man myself I never thought one way or the other about who makes more in the relationship. My wife and I have traded that honor and it doesn’t matter because it all goes into the same pot - our future.

    Not being able to be “the provider” is such a cop out way to think. Who cares who makes more if you want to be together. My wife is a ton smarter than me I expect her to eventually make more. That doesn’t make me any less in the relationship.

    Wish you the best of luck in France!

    passably9, in My gf was raped and became pregnant. I broke up with her because she wanted to keep the baby + Updates

    Religion is the second villian here

    WhatASave, in OOP's boyfriend won't stop telling her that she smells bad

    Why does this sound so fake?

    sociablefish,

    It’s from r/relationshipadvice, r/aita would be just as trash

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