lemmyshitpost

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ProfessorProteus, in Way to stop drinking
@ProfessorProteus@lemmy.world avatar
  1. Place in bucket
  2. Break bottle with hammer
  3. Grab your favorite silly straw
  4. Betray yourself
Kase,

Bonus points if you swallow tiny pieces of glass 😋

variants,

Help get that alcohol into your bloodstream quicker and with less blood you can get higher alcohol level

Lifebandit666,

There’s too much blood in my alcohol system

A_Very_Big_Fan,

I love the taste of internal lacerations

Steamymoomilk, in Data leak

The internet is leaking out.

RIP_Cheems, in Jolly Old Saint Schrödinger
@RIP_Cheems@lemmy.world avatar

Wrong, Google maps can track him and I’ve heard him in the middle on the night.

FlyingSquid,
@FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

I’ve heard him in the middle on the night.

Are you sure that isn’t just a peeping tom?

RIP_Cheems, (edited )
@RIP_Cheems@lemmy.world avatar

No, if it was, he would have been shot on sight by my mom. I was really young when it happened.

RIP_Cheems,
@RIP_Cheems@lemmy.world avatar

Also, he’s already moving santatracker.google.com

FlyingSquid,
@FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

Your mom didn’t shoot Santa, she shot a hobo.

RIP_Cheems,
@RIP_Cheems@lemmy.world avatar

I never said she shot him

FlyingSquid,
@FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

Oh, she missed the hobo?

i_love_FFT,
@i_love_FFT@lemmy.ml avatar

Google map is late to the game. NORAD has radars and has been doing it for much longer.

Due to the uncertainty principle, they can know where he’s going or where he is, but not both at the same time.

Semi-Hemi-Demigod,
@Semi-Hemi-Demigod@kbin.social avatar

SG1 is probably helping track Santa since he’s quantum

FlyingSquid,
@FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

We can’t measure Santa at all if we don’t want to have an effect on Santa. This is dangerous territory.

SubArcticTundra,
@SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml avatar

The problem with Santa Tracker is that he only visits like 20 cities accross the globe.
I live in bumfuck nowhere and I still get presents. That’s how I know that Google is lying.

MeanEYE, in Truly inspirational
@MeanEYE@lemmy.world avatar

Only way someone can loose 130kg+ in 6 weeks if they get chopped in half.

GladiusB,
@GladiusB@lemmy.world avatar

It says he texted him for six weeks. Not that is how fast he lost the weight. But at least that’s how I read it.

Mago,

Thats not what is says

BeigeAgenda, in I knew it all along!
@BeigeAgenda@lemmy.ca avatar

Education and wisdom are two separate stats, this guy didn’t roll very high on Wis.

cooopsspace,

Intelligence and wisdom.

Intelligence is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.

FlyingSquid,
@FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

In the U.S., education is mostly about being able to regurgitate what you’ve been told. Wisdom is, as you suggested, not necessary for that.

MellowSnow,

Unfortunately so. There should be more emphasis on the why and how rather than the what.

Syrc,

In the U.S., education is mostly about being able to regurgitate what you’ve been told.

Wait, are there places where it’s not?

FlyingSquid,
@FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

I don’t know. I’ve only been to school in the U.S.

WhereGrapesMayRule, in Stunningly sadistic striker😄

You didn’t specify they be consecutive minutes. The genie allows them all to walk for one minute, takes it away, then transports them all to your location and tells them what you did before enabling them to walk again for another four minutes. Millions of people then proceed to trample your broken body.

Kalothar,

Presumably, I get two more wishes.

So you know, id just wish them to the core of the sun after that. Sorry my boys. No murdering me allowed.

WhereGrapesMayRule,

You don’t get the other wishes until the first has been granted, which doesn’t end until they finish their little tap dance

spacesweedkid27,

Me irl when somebody threatens Striker: 🥰

STRIKINGdebate2,
@STRIKINGdebate2@lemmy.world avatar

Bruh. All you had to do was post anything else but foot fetish memes.

spacesweedkid27,

I dislike you for much more reasons now 🥰

doctorcrimson, in Someone didn't think out the implications.

Honestly, with the modern political climate, maybe somebody did think out the implications.

can,

That sounds like a choice.

phorq, in Cha cha real smooth

Okay, I want that dance on my desk by Monday

pelespirit,
@pelespirit@sh.itjust.works avatar

Right? There should be more dancing in the workplace.

LemmyKnowsBest,

I do provide that at work. I can’t help it. My soul is aliiiiive with dancing and no one can hold me down.

1024_Kibibytes,

Sure, more dancing in the workplace would be nice, but on a desk seems like an OSHA violation. Also, you’d have to move the monitor, keyboard and mouse out of the way.

LemmyKnowsBest,

My job doesn’t involve a desk or a monitor or a keyboard or a mouse, but it does have plenty of hallways & rooms to dance around in.

Thermal_shocked, in Toilet without borders

Deluxe suicide booth

doctorcrimson, in A handy guide this holiday season.

Why does the bottom overlap section being empty bother me so much?

Akasazh,
@Akasazh@feddit.nl avatar

That and the Ho Santa section, that’s not how Venn diagrams work.

milicent_bystandr,

∄ no sound from Gangsta Rappers who are also Santa, except from those who are Pirates

doctorcrimson,

Snoop Dog actually makes a living off of his sounds.

milicent_bystandr,

Is he Santa? Then he must also be a pirate.

doctorcrimson,

He is indeed Santa, and also the lead singer of Korn, but I’m not confirmed on if Snoop Dog has ever committed piracy.

milicent_bystandr,

Well then this proves it!

flambonkscious,

Wouldn’t it be correct top have another ho - I guess it’s redundant…

doctorcrimson,

No because then rappers would say “YO HO HO”

NaoPb, in I'm shuddering

Yea. But for god’s sake take off the socks before going in man.

shalafi,

Wife says the same. Apparently socks are an automatic desiccation switch for her.

FlyingSquid, in Larry Bird really knew how to get under your skin
@FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

I live in Terre Haute, where Indiana State University is. He played here in college. There’s a huge ugly statue of him that looks like he’s constipated outside the basketball arena and, no shit, they’re building a Larry Bird Museum at the convention center.

I hate this fucking town.

Here’s the statue:

https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/2b9a64c0-93b5-4005-b48f-ba8e111c1155.png

sangriaferret,

That’s actually much better than he looked in real life.

Catoblepas, in Stupid birds

Looks like domesticated quail, Japanese quail maybe? Quail aren’t super bright to begin with, domesticated ones even less so.

It’s hard to tell age from the video, but quail mature pretty quickly, so these might be 6-8 week old birds who barely know how anything works to begin with.

IWantToFuckSpez, (edited ) in Fun

I first thought she was landing in a pile of Lego pieces

SHITPOSTING_ACCOUNT,

That sounds like something Jackass would do.

Carvex,

More like Squid Game

KnowledgeableNip, in the Perks of ownership...

The trick is to bring in whatever busted piece you have and find the exact match. Nobody’s gonna think you’re shoplifting rusted garbage and usually you can knock out your purchase in just one trip.

If your project/fix is too complicated to bring in the busted piece, may God have mercy on your soul.

woodenskewer, (edited )
@woodenskewer@lemmy.world avatar

too complicated to bring in the busted piece

time to get good at projecting your project visually on the ceiling like beth harmon in the queen’s gambit.

Cannacheques,

Fire sprinkler installers crying

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