Sometimes the “offense” that guys feel over guys wearing skirts and stuff is definitely from closeted thoughts or outright self-hate, but that’s not necessarily the case. The underlying issue is they view clothing as gendered in the first place.
Style shouldn’t be associated with sexual attraction implicitly, but it does for stupid people, and many people are stupid. Especially horny guys thinking with the wrong head.
The mere presence of a particular article turns them on, and they project that to intent. It is entirely subjective if they get upset at popping a boner, or upset that a male would use clothing that traditionally makes a female sexy. It requires the dumb person to view another’s clothing choice as a direct expression to them, but stupid people taking things personally that aren’t personal should be preeeetty easy to understand!
It’s a lesser mindset, male-focused version of, “what was she wearing?” after an SA event. Just because I’m trying to look pretty and you like some part of that, I am still most definitely not coming on to you by wearing it.
I think you hit the nail on the head. It is very interesting how different I (male-presenting) get treated when I wear a skirt vs trousers. The whole rest of my outfit and appearance is similar - I have the same haircut, glasses, coat, boots, backpack. But when I wear a skirt, I know that people notice me far more, and I also for some reason start getting compliments from women.
So I dont think that’s something which only happens with men noticing women, but that skirts (especially yhe ones which are shorter and more fitting) society at large seems to associate with sexual attraction. I will be honest, it is a bit of fun to know I have so much power over peoples attention - that I can control the amount of attention on me by wearing pants vs a skirt. But I also fully agree with what you’re saying - people can wear skirts just because they like them, not because they want to be sexy to you (shocker moment).
I know that we subconciously do it all the time, but: how do you deal with the fact that people treat you differently just based on what you’re wearing?
At least to more directly answer your question: I absolutely despise gendered style. You’d imagine access to the loins would be universal, but noooo, of course the more common target of desire gets the short end of the stick…
Humans are still disgustingly simple beings. That’s genuinely how I feel about your question.
Just commented a couple of times on my kilts being a visible turn off to the women I’ve dated. I’m a small man, not afraid of girl clothes, but that wasn’t hitting with 'em.
Before you go banging on people for “lesser mindsets” and such, consider this; Attraction is not a choice.
Let me day that again for those in the back; Attraction is not a choice.
I think we might be agreeing, but let’s not put people down for their attractions.
We definitely shouldn’t be putting down people for their attractions, but I think there is value in highlighting that a person’s concept of attractiveness can be socially constructed and therefore can also be deconstructed.
I think instead of labelling people with narrow or socio-centric concepts of attraction as “lesser” or stupid or uninformed isn’t fair, but I also think it’s fair to say that they likely haven’t gone through the process of deconstructing why they feel the way they do.
Except for the interesting intellectual exercise, why deconstruct it? Again, attraction is not a choice. If a man in a kilt turns a woman off? So be it. It’s not like emotions can be fought with logic.
All worth discussing and thinking about, but in the end deconstruction of attraction won’t win anyone over.
Because it’s valuable to deconstruct any concept that is held without a clear reason. It’s far more important to know why you believe or feel what you do than just knowing what you feel or believe.
I’m not expecting to convince people of my position, nor to have others change their positions based upon said deconstruction, but it’s worth raising nonetheless.
If attraction can be socially programmed (as it so very obviously is), then it can similarly be deconstructed. The first step to achieving that is questioning the motivation for attraction beyond “that’s hot”.
It constantly astounds me that people somehow do not understand the concept of introspection.
The “why” is more important than the “what”. Always. Killing a man is cold blooded murder in one context, and saving your entire family in another. Thoughts are the same. If you don’t know why you are correct, you are far less likely to be correct on a less obvious question.
I swear, these are the people that hear a Trolley Problem and only start asking questions to see if they can get you to agree with killing more than the other track…
Attraction is not a choice, but if your reaction to cognitive dissonance is to get angry at someone wearing clothing, that is a YOU problem.
Yes, lots of people have problems with this. That does not make it acceptable. Again, attraction is not a choice, but you do not have to hump their leg.
I hear those excuses all the time from rapists. “I was attracted!”, “look what she was wearing!” Know what you defend when you say people cannot control their attraction: That’s EXACTLY what a lot of rapists say.
People SHOULD be able to control their attraction, at least enough to be a civil person. Being a rude piece of shit over clothing is very much ALSO not being a civil person. Things don’t have to get violent for them to still be wrong.
Oh definitely. While it’s not a given that bigoted folks are closeted, it’s worth noting that there’s been some studies showing it’s not just a joke: scientificamerican.com/…/homophobes-might-be-hidd…
Your take on it seems likely in other cases, and/or some combo of both.
That said, I would much rather a man with an erection look at me like on the right than like on the left, which was a bit more where my joke was coming from.
While I admire your attitude, I don’t think it’s a great idea to try and get around gender stereotypes by rebranding. The best way in my opinion is just to own it and be confident. Going around them in a way enforces them, because you’re changing the name to avoid the stigma that comes with breaking them as opposed to questioning and opposing it.
Nah, you gotta own it. Capitulating to toxic masculinity and calling your dress a tunic to avoid ridicule is alpha cuck shit. “Please don’t make fun of me, I’m not wearing a skirt, it’s a kilt!” Nah, this is a skirt and it is so much more comfortable than your denim jeans. We’re shopping at target, Braxton, not working on a farm. My outfit is the superior one for this activity
Meh, middle-aged white guy here. Got 3 kilts and they’re not so great. Kinda fun in the woods. Went to a party last winter with camo girl leggings and it was super nice. But usually, nah.
The women I dated were hardly conservative, or they wouldn’t be with me, and not a one liked 'em, visibly turned off. YMMV.
Middle age white chick here - might depend on the crowd you are around. I have a lot of friends who wear kilts (as in most of the men I consider friends, including the 6.5ft 400lb giant of a man. Just totally happens to be that way, they don’t know each other for the most part, and I find out years after becoming friends) and they don’t seem to have any trouble getting laid (not all of them are strictly into women, but they get teh secs so whatever floats their goats). But kilts aren’t the only counter-culture they actively and clearly participate in, both aesthetically and personally. That might make the difference; that’s just who they are and they are comfortable with themselves enough to do whatever.
If I saw some dude in a kilt and leggings I’d be super amused and chat with them, but I’m asexual so I also wouldn’t be interested, but I’d be interested in you, the person. The same way I’d be interested to talk to a dude in a prom dress or whatever. If their spine is so shiny they can rock that shit in public, I probably want to know them.
Well yes, but I’m referring to present day with it being winter. In the summer it easily gets past +30c here. Last summer I would have gladly run around nekkid when it was +36c if I wouldn’t get arrested.
Wore women’s camo leggings with an olive-drab utili-kilt. Damn that was comfortable. But wearing a kilt in the woods and the heat? Just didn’t feel right to me, and I’ve tried a couple of different kinds.
Depends on which part of Canada you’re in but where I am? It’s been above freezing for the past couple days and will likely stay that way. In Summer it’ll get 33c or higher (91.4f for the Americans). Where I’m from originally it would work even better because the summers get that hot but also absurdly humid. Like 95% humidity.
Just commented, nah, women do not like the kilt look, not any I’ve dated. I’m not so hot on them myself. One of those things that sounds like a good idea, doesn’t really work out. OTOH, very nice with leggings and combat boots. Warm!
Guys, if you want to try one, get a knock-off Utilikilt. Loads of pockets, manly looking (I think) without the formal pleated look. I never have a chance to wear the pleated one. :(
I wore a Utilikilt for a while. They’re surprisingly uncomfortable. Sitting in a kilt requires effort. The material is a heavy denim, which is hot and doesn’t fall nicely. I expected the breeze to be enjoyable. It’s not.
The women I’ve dated that are into men love guys in kilts, but I’m a woman so it may be that bi women are more likely to like it than straight women. That said I’ve heard complaints that some guys don’t bother with ensuring it’s a good kilt for them and picking a good outfit with it
Or they live in places where “society” is so bothered by it, a handful of old white men are fighting tooth and nail to enact laws forcing it to be a problem in the name of god…
Those wide cut, high waist trousers look dope. Somehow you don't find theses cuts for men at all. I imagine those those comfy as fuck if you happen to have stronger thighs.
Shout out to my skinny guys: Girl clothes are cut for us, especially at the waist. Hoodies and jackets are the bomb. Try it. Wife about shit when I strapped on my new women’s jacket. “OH! SO sexy!”
Got plenty of casual clothes given to me by exes. That’s how I learned.
Buttons and zippers on the “wrong” side are a pain, still worth it.
(For context: I’m a middle-aged, white guy living in the South. No one so much as blinks.)
Shout out to my skinny guys: Girl clothes are cut for us, especially at the waist. Hoodies and jackets are the bomb. Try it. Wife about shit when I strapped on my new women’s jacket. “OH! SO sexy!”
Got plenty of casual clothes given to me by exes. That’s how I learned.
Buttons and zippers on the “wrong” side are a pain, still worth it.
(For context: I’m a middle-aged, white guy living in the South. No one so much as blinks.)
Not really. Good women’s clothing is cut differently then men’s clothing, so it fits our bodies better, mostly accomodating our narrower waists and wider hips. (And the zippers and buttons are on the opposite side too of course.)
Lies! Deception! Women’s clothing rarely accomodates my wide hips. Swimming shorts at the men’s fit me better. Which it shouldn’t! Same goes for nice, loose clothing. Even the largest sizes just feel like they are trying to shape my shape into a more feminine shape, rather than accomodate my shape comfortably. Fuck women’s clothing. Flimsy, thin, short, cold, crawling, tight, garbage with stupid design. All of it.
Tried buying girl versions of those things? Not sure about T-shirts, haven’t tried that. But I have a small middle-aged gut, not much at all, but I think I might look silly in a woman’s T-shirt.
Mine (mostly) have pockets! But the obvious (to me) reason so many women’s clothes lack pockets is because pockets ruin the form. Wearing my zip-up jacket yesterday, looked great, cut tight, but if I carried stuff in the side pockets it would ruin the look.
And if women truly wanted useable pockets, they’d buy more such clothes. Not like these designers are clueless as to what sells and aren’t maximizing profit.
The great thing about skirts is that they can be breezy even when they’re long! So if you’re not comfortable with everyone looking at your legs, or can’t be bothered trying to sit without showing your crotch, get a nice sweepy skirt that comes to your ankles and Stride! Sprawl! Swagger and Swash! Shwing!
I already know what you’re getting at but arguments in favor of breaking gender stereotypes aren’t made invalid if the person who originally made them ends up identifying as trans. I know that lots of people like to use situations like that as “evidence that people who break gender stereotypes are just trans-in-denial” and/or a justification for harassing GNC folks (r/egg_irl and r/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns were especially awful about that back in their heyday) but it’s very important to recognize that GNC people are valid in their own right, and trying to generalize them as transgender is hurtful and enforces the toxic gender stereotypes that hurt people.
Oh and before someone tries to twist my words around. No a trans woman wearing a dress doesn’t enforce gender stereotypes, what enforces gender stereotypes is to say a person (i.e. a femboy) is trans because they wear a dress without their input on the matter.
Oh I’m definitely not trying to make a statement about gender identity or any sociological ramifications thereof - at least, I don’t mean to. In not thinking about my comment that way when writing it, I hope there isn’t a mean-spirited reading of it!
I was thinking more in the realm of comedy, how jokes are constructed, and what makes them funny or interesting. This classic line from a legendary comedian has recently had a new wrinkle added to it, and I find that interesting. I am curious to hear Izzard’s take on it, if indeed she’s even given it a second thought. (I imagine she has, but I wouldn’t dare assume to know her mind)
Hope that makes sense. Thanks for sharing your thoughts
I agree with your point. But a guy who wears a dress isn’t inherently a femboy. Which I know isn’t what you’re saying but it can be interpreted as having that implication.
That is a good point, a person who wears a dress isn’t necessarily a femboy. Some certainly are but plenty also aren’t. It wasn’t my intention to imply that wearing a dress makes someone a femboy and I can see how it enforces gender stereotypes to a deree. In the end a skirt or a dress is a piece of clothing, which inherently do not have gender and saying someone is a femboy for wearing those clothes isn’t great if the end goal is to break away and be free from these stereotypes.
I have my own pair of leggings because they’re comfy AF and if anyone wants to talk shit about that, two things: A, my wife bought them for me and that makes them EXTRA special, and 2: fuck off randy, the only reason you’re so butt hurt is because your massive insecurities prevent your ass from being caressed by a cloud.
Honestly for the longest time I didn’t even know leggings were supposed to be “girls clothing” I always wore them as a child in winter under my jeans. Never knew they “weren’t meant for me” . Honestly leggings are great
I remember in JRPG The World Ends With You, each piece of clothing has a “Bravery” rating. Higher Bravery on the clothing meant the user needed to have a higher Bravery stat to wear it. Girls naturally had mugh higher bravery, and those outfits ranged from girly to risque, but there was no actual gender restriction.
There’s multiple versions! The OG DS game was VERY touch heavy, but the mobile game remake made the controls much simpler. For me, no version is ever going to match the craziness of having to watch both screens at the same time, but the game is so damn good that if you haven’t played it I’d recommend whatever version you can get your hands on.
Add comment