@Kolanaki@yiffit.net
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Kolanaki

@Kolanaki@yiffit.net

I’m just a weird, furry, pan guy (cis he/him). I also have a big, blue username.

Currently on Earth for 8 years ensuring steps to unite humanity and usher us into the galactic civilization just so I can see my boyfriend again.

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

Kolanaki,
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“I’m gonna make it so dry…”

Kolanaki, (edited )
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My mom’s cooking fucking sucked so I grew up in a home where I would eat at a friend’s house or go hungry.

Kolanaki,
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https://yiffit.net/pictrs/image/d01a5bcf-57bf-409e-8d72-5f999d8bcbb6.jpeg

Kolanaki, (edited )
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Technically I heard about it on the radio and The Village People simultaneously.

Kolanaki,
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Share what you’ve been smoking so we can feel our toes too close together with ya.

Kolanaki, (edited )
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I remember doing the presidential fitness tests; but my school didn’t have any equipment for it… My school didn’t even fund a rich asshole?! We just did it for funsies?!

Kolanaki, (edited )
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Ah-one, ah-two, ah-three, crunch. Ah-three licks.

Kolanaki,
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Sleeping on matter is detrimental to your health. To avoid back problems, learn how to sleep while levitating 3 feet off the floor.

Kolanaki,
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Levitate and create a vacuum around your body. Don’t let that pesky air give you a kink in your neck.

Kolanaki,
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Alright maggots, listen up, Popo’s 'bout to teach you the pecking order; it goes you, the dirt, the worms inside of the dirt, Popo’s stool, Kami… then Popo. Any questions?

Kolanaki,
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Bottom row, middle window: Useful for collecting rain water.

Kolanaki, (edited )
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Not if it was installed backwards because you wanted to catch rain water.

Kolanaki,
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The only show I even care about on Netflix these days is I Think You Should Leave. I’ll just pirate the next season when it drops. 🤷🏻‍♂️

Kolanaki, (edited )
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The villain in Ratatouille wanted to take over the restaurant, specifically for the name, so he could sell out with cheaply made frozen meals.

He was also a massive French asshole. 🤢

Kolanaki,
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I’m dead on the inside, which is where the smoke goes. 🤷🏻‍♂️

Kolanaki,
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Noob-ass spider. Got 8 legs and still can’t macro for shit.

Kolanaki, (edited )
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Black widows are so common where I am, I don’t even need to see that hourglass to know it’s one. I can even identify males, which don’t look very similar to the iconic females.

They also do sometimes have red markings on their back. Just do an image search for black widows; many of them have a whole band of red that goes from the belly up the back. Can’t say I’ve seen any like that IRL, though.

Kolanaki,
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I am operating within acceptable parameters.

Kolanaki, (edited )
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If they live forever, they’re not evolving. They’re mutating.

Kolanaki,
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The word homophobia already does mean a hatred of, not simply a fear of.

Kolanaki,
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Your mom’s cool with them. She told me so while we fucked.

Kolanaki,
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Consensual non-consent via mice controlling your bodies while fucking, so you’re not really in control over a damn thing.

Kolanaki,
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Take it at 30 so you’re physically 10 but mentally 30.

Kolanaki, (edited )
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I’d still consider the 30 year old crowd to be my peers. I am still technically 30, I just look 10. The only downside to this is like that time I saw a dwarf being accosted by an elderly woman when she saw him light up a cigarette from behind and incorrectly assumed it was a child.

Kolanaki,
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Pfft… Carmen Sandiego could do it.

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