I need to survive for 3 days without pooping, and eating as little as possible. I can pee, but not very often. It can't take up too much space. What food do I pack?

Please don't ask why I need this.

It would be great if the food also made me sweat less.

It has to be something I can easily find.

EDITS FOR CLARIFICATION:

  • I am not planning on partaking in any illegal activities.
  • I do not condone the use of illegal substances and am not planning on smuggling anything anywhere.
  • I am not going on a hiking trip or mailing myself anywhere.
  • I will be staying in a tent (not a small one; a huge with with air conditioning and everything). I will be traveling for five days, returning to my current location on day 3 and traveling again on the last two days. I will not poop on the first three days (hopefully).
  • Clean toilets with all the expected facilities will be available to me. I am not going to poop for reasons that I wish to keep to myself.
  • If it gets bad, like really bad, like a-piece-of-poop-is-literally-halfway-out-my-ass bad, I will use the toilets.

Please stop asking because I am not telling anyone the reason.

Crit_D,

I came to Lemmy as a substitute for Reddit, and I'm impressed at how little time it took to reach the high-quality posts that Reddit was known for.

zurohki,

Your comment made me put down my phone and laugh out loud until someone came and checked that I was alright.

Tgfgfc,

☝️🤓☝️

IverCoder,
@IverCoder@lemmy.ml avatar

I was here!

BingoBangoBongo,

High quality shit posts

hare_ware,

This, by definition, is not a shit post.

megane_kun,
@megane_kun@lemmy.world avatar

It's not just OPs strange and mysterious predicament that has made this thread epic, but also the genuine efforts of some of us to help OP in the midst of wild, off the wall, guessing.

And then there's the misplaced reply that ended up in the perfect place.

And I'm glad to have seen it first hand.

freshzombie,
  • I am not going on a hiking trip or mailing myself anywhere.

Sure sounds like something someone who's going to mail himself somewhere would say.

Maajmaaj,
@Maajmaaj@lemmy.ca avatar

Lemmy finally feels like home now. 😂😂

mustardman,

This is the first Lemmy Moment

candyman337,
@candyman337@lemmy.world avatar

Jesus wtf lol, this is one of those posts that's going to become a copypasta

Linebeck,

This is the kind of content we need, glorious

Twaffle,

This thread is going to haunt me. One day, years from now while lying in bed and slowly drifting off to sleep, I'll suddenly sit bolt upright and exclaim, "Why couldn't that dude poop!?"

macrocephalic,

And what was on that hard drive sewn into the lining of the laptop bag?

dystop,
@dystop@lemmy.world avatar

Dude the submersible's gone, there isn't gonna be another trip down there. Get your $250,000 back and do something meaningful with your life.

B20bob,
@B20bob@lemmy.world avatar

Bro, I've been trying to figure out why this poor guy would possibly need to meet these requirements.. I think you nailed it on the head. lmao well played OP.

eyy,

You nearly made me spit out the water in my mouth. Thanks.

KeavesSharpi,

I love that this is the flagship viral post for the new popular Lemmy. At this point, OP’s reason for not pooping is tertiary to the entertainment! Also, I’m pretty sure it’s just social anxiety.

Cinner,

I have the solution because I too have been in this exact situation, but you can't eat much or you'll be extremely uncomfortable.

The day before you go, drink a full bottle of magnesium citrate. This will cause liquid diarrhea and completely empty you out. This is used before Colonoscopies to give the doctor a clear view.

Then for the next 3 days eat very little while taking 3 immodium each day.

You're welcome.

thegiddystitcher,
@thegiddystitcher@lemm.ee avatar

Since OP is pulling a Gandalf and keeping his secrets, maybe you'd care to share how you found yourself in such a no-shit scenario?

Cinner,

I'm in solidarity with OP on this one.

jarredpickles87,
@jarredpickles87@lemmy.world avatar

Or liquidarity as it would seem.

lp0101,

Magnesium Citrate does not fuck around. I used it once when constipated and it cleared me out good.

I also barely slept that night and had to take the following day off work, because i absolutely could not stop shitting for almost 24 hours

Cinner,

What's sad is I've been so constipated before (1 1/2 - 2 weeks of no pooping) that I drank a bottle of mag cit. And took some ex lax. And drank some miralax. And that still didn't do much for a few days.

demvoter,
@demvoter@kbin.social avatar

I was here for this post that will go down in Fediverse history.

iRyu,

It'll be a year and someone will ask "What is the story about the guy who couldn't poop for 3 days"

We'll sit down and let me tell you a story, lad

StarLuigi,
@StarLuigi@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

Pretty sure I already saw this reposted on Reddit (not sure, my reddit client and my Lemmy client look too similar so I keep mixing them up!!)

BleakBluets,
@BleakBluets@lemmy.world avatar

I'll know the Fediverse is mainstream when I inevitably see this post and comments in a top 10 list or being read by an AI voice and posted to a video sharing site as part of an automated content farm.

Harlan_Cloverseed,
@Harlan_Cloverseed@kbin.social avatar

See you in other threads referencing this happening!

Grosshirn,

Yep. Me too. This kind of content was... unexpected

abcd,

This is the content I was waiting for! I’ve read this while sitting on my throne 😂😂😂💩

ChrislyBear,

+1

the_kgb,

+#2

zoriel,

Happy i switched over to lemmy in time to whitness this

666dollarfootlong,

My guess: Airsoft or paintball MilSim (Military-Simulation) operation. OP is a sniper. There is an ambush. Long-shot: re-enactment of The killing of Osama Bin Laden. OP's crush is there. OP's butthole is sore, so they want a few days of no toilets to allow their bottom to heal.

Liempong_pagong,
@Liempong_pagong@lemmy.ml avatar

Without context. This is such a hilarious situation, it’s like, when a sitcom character whos role is to be the goof of the bunch, asks his friends this question and he’s serious and frantic.

elpinko,
@elpinko@lemmy.ml avatar

so this is where Lemmys lore began

tymon,

I have done two seven-day fasts and four three-day fasts. You'll want to prep with fasting practice and then watch your water intake to make sure you're not dehydrated.

I would pay $50 to know why the fuck you're doing this.

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