I need to survive for 3 days without pooping, and eating as little as possible. I can pee, but not very often. It can't take up too much space. What food do I pack?

Please don't ask why I need this.

It would be great if the food also made me sweat less.

It has to be something I can easily find.

EDITS FOR CLARIFICATION:

  • I am not planning on partaking in any illegal activities.
  • I do not condone the use of illegal substances and am not planning on smuggling anything anywhere.
  • I am not going on a hiking trip or mailing myself anywhere.
  • I will be staying in a tent (not a small one; a huge with with air conditioning and everything). I will be traveling for five days, returning to my current location on day 3 and traveling again on the last two days. I will not poop on the first three days (hopefully).
  • Clean toilets with all the expected facilities will be available to me. I am not going to poop for reasons that I wish to keep to myself.
  • If it gets bad, like really bad, like a-piece-of-poop-is-literally-halfway-out-my-ass bad, I will use the toilets.

Please stop asking because I am not telling anyone the reason.

Twaffle,

This thread is going to haunt me. One day, years from now while lying in bed and slowly drifting off to sleep, I'll suddenly sit bolt upright and exclaim, "Why couldn't that dude poop!?"

macrocephalic,

And what was on that hard drive sewn into the lining of the laptop bag?

macrocephalic,

I have a friend who was in the army and said they had to do 100+km training hikes. No one wanted to have to stop to poo so the first thing they did, before even starting, was to eat the block of cheese from their ration packs. They called it plug cheese.

half_built_pyramids,

I was here for the poop thing

Don't eat chipotle

Relic5646,

Uncomfortable pooping somewhere with no bidet available?

Phantom_Engineer,
@Phantom_Engineer@lemmy.ml avatar

My only advice would be to have a back up plan. If you fail to plan, you plan to fail, and there’s no guarantee you won’t get an unpleasant surprise. You say you’ll use the toilet if you’re about to shit yourself, but what if you can’t make it and do end up shitting yourself because you put it off so long?

KittenBiscuits,

OP is literally asking us the most efficient way to get backed up. What other backup plan could they need?

OP, can you get hold of any stimulant appetite suppressants? They'll pull double doody for you. You'll eat less and be constipated.

skrttskrtt911,

This post is gold. To parrot a couple others, anti-diarrhea medicine always locks me up for a day or two

eulheim,
@eulheim@feddit.de avatar

I had a very good time reading this.

I’d recommend to throw some Loperamidhydrochlorid in the mix, not sure if you can find it in your pharmacy. When I’ve been too Music Festivals, we’ve always had some as an emergency, if the toilets would be clogged (which happened a lot).

Stay strong 👍🏻

Vex_Detrause,

Just be careful with these, if you overdo it you'll have constipation. Which is also dangerous when it lasts long.

Butt to add on the solution codeine or Tylenol#3 or narcotics can decrease motility which results in constipation.

atwerp,

OP, you misunderstand the "no shitposts on lemmy" guideline, that's not what it means

makingStuffForFun,
@makingStuffForFun@lemmy.ml avatar

Boom tish! Lovely work

100beep,

To answer the actual question, cheese and meat.

Bageler,

Unless lactose intolerance is a factor. Then just meat. A lot of jerky.

wildeaboutoskar,
@wildeaboutoskar@lemmy.world avatar

I would recommend against doing this because you will end up feeling awful. We poo for a reason. Please be careful.

That said, immodium and low strength codeine both bung you up- depending on where you live you may be able to get both from a pharmacy.

MeticulousBastard,

I'm pretty sure sometimes I poop for no reason.

Neptune014,

I dont have any advice. Just wanted to day I was here before the reason was revealed.

bigkahuna1986,

I just want to be a part of this history. Also maybe like protein shakes?

Kurt,
@Kurt@lemmy.one avatar

I haven't seen any comments suggesting a plug, so I guess it'll be me. Try using a butt plug.

eighty,

I really wish I knew what I did in the past to achieve this. Depression and poor eating habits?

literallyacat,
@literallyacat@kbin.social avatar

....You're gonna try to ship yourself to Timbuktu, aren't you.

SubArcticTundra,
@SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml avatar

You can poop in a mail van. Someone might just receive a delivery they didn’t ask for

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