programmer_humor

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asw13c, (edited ) in Let me just move this project to the "unfinished" folder

project

fraydabson, in We're not the same! (period)

Lol is it bad this is the reason I setup a self hosted gitea instead of GitHub

Socsa, in Let me just move this project to the "unfinished" folder

This is why you just change jobs every three years.

Mubelotix, in Programmer tries to explain binary search to the police
@Mubelotix@jlai.lu avatar

It would have taken 5 minutes at most

I_am_10_squirrels,

On my site’s security nvr, it takes five minutes just to convince it that you want to search a particular camera

Agent641,

But thats 5 minutes of killin’ time they’ll never get back

Valmond,

Yeah, even if it was from the beginning of dawn. No need to check out tape before the guy parked his bike.

heimchen,

My Graphics card/ssd wouldn’t be able to handle the skipping of such big files

teft, (edited ) in Programmer tries to explain binary search to the police
@teft@startrek.website avatar

Yeah, pigs don’t like to be corrected. Or made to look like they don’t know what they’re doing.

tquid,

And they absolutely hate ever doing anything about bicycle theft in particular.

lars,
@lars@programming.dev avatar

I reported my bike stolen in college and I got a call the next day that they had found it parked in front of a nearby church.

It was stolen on a Sunday. I guess someone didn’t want to be late to service.

thebuoyancyofcitrus,

What you’re entering the third act of your love story and you have to get to the church in time to break up the wedding and declare your love, what’s a little bike theft? The universe will take care of it.

Honytawk,

Probably added the theft to the sins they were confessing that day as well.

TheBlue22,

God made them do it!

clay_pidgin,

I have heard that very often. I wonder if bikes are harder to track down than other property for some reason.

Zipitydew,

They only care about property loss when it involves rich people.

SlikPikker,

Which proves that cops really DO actually do their jobs.

Because protecting the property of the rich is the exact core purpose of policing.

Coasting0942,

Technically it’s maintaining social order. So get back to work menials or be reported to the Enforcers for organized discontent.

ICastFist,
@ICastFist@programming.dev avatar

Maintaining social order, especially in the form of violent repression against demonstrations, indirectly protects the rich’s properties, so all in a day’s work.

Localhorst86,

smaller, therefore easier to hide. Not registered with a central authority like, for example, cars.

snowe,
@snowe@programming.dev avatar

There is bike registration. bikeindex.org

It’s helped track down bike trafficking gangs sending bikes to Mexico. The police just don’t care at all

tocopherol,
@tocopherol@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

Love bikeindex, I actually got my stolen bike back thanks to that site. It was literally two years later but still, the police wouldn’t have even made a report probably in the city I was at, with bike theft so ubiquitous.

Zron,

There’s plenty of cases where they don’t look for cars either.

Or the cops themselves just straight up steal the car themselves.

My wife’s car was ordered to be towed by, according to the impound lot, the police.

Neat thing was that there was no ticket with the car, no police station within 3 miles had a record of a ticket for her or the car, and the area she had parked had no signs that suggested it was illegal to park where she did, nor does the city have any ordinance about overnight parking.

Best we can figure, is a cop or the tow company that works with the city, just decided to tow a car for funsies and the 500 bucks it took to get it out of impound.

The police and every organization associated with them are corrupt to the core.

tocopherol,
@tocopherol@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

Reading that I almost had a thought like it must have been a mix-up or something, but no, US police will murder people with less thought, so that type of fuckery is completely expected.

polskilumalo,
@polskilumalo@lemmygrad.ml avatar

In Poland we have a saying about bike theft, that they won’t even consider looking for it unless you are the commendant’s son.

Redex68,

I’m pretty sure any petty theft is very hard to track down. Not just bikes, if someone broke into your house and stole some minor things it’s almost certainly not gonna get found. Bikes are the same, it’s very easy to resell them and repaint, and nobory registers bikes.

Rediphile,

Because even if they look for it and find it, whoever is riding just says it theirs and there is literally nothing the police can do unless it was caught on video or there is a meaningful identifying feature like a serial number or something else specific and unique.

Seeing a sketchy guy with a black and red bike with the same bike rack you had isn’t enough to prove anything.

If an officer approached me riding my bike around and asked me to prove it’s mine, I couldn’t either despite not being a thief.

AlexWIWA, (edited )

Anything that’s not serialized and recorded is basically impossible to find. If you have serial numbers then they can inform local pawn shops, but even then the shops probably aren’t checking serials for anything under $500.

And if the thief just sells it on craigslist then no one is checking serials.

pimento64,

Given the number of times I’ve seen cops on police forums and r/protectandserve use terms like “bikefags”, I think it’s just the typical cop disgust of anything they perceive to be weak or effeminate.

merc,

Yeah, I don’t get that. Bicycling requires strength and endurance. It exposes you to the elements. Why is sitting in a cushy car something some people think as being more macho? Is it that you’re in control of a heavier and more powerful machine?

pimento64,

Bicycling requires strength and endurance.

So does cleaning a house, but that’s “women’s work”.

Is it that you’re in control of a heavier and more powerful machine?

That’s it. You didn’t get it at first because made the mistake of associating manliness with things like patience, strength, hard work, endurance both of toil and hardship; all things that do make up ideals of manliness to normal people. But you need to approach it from the perspective of a wastrel, a weak, foolish, and lazy person who demands the respect and deference of being manly without putting in the hard work—something he has avoided all his life. He might praise hard work in abstract, but he has no discipline for it and doesn’t respect those who actually do it, he just considers them beneath him. To such a person, the defining aspect of manliness and machismo is mastery, mastery over others and their wills, and since mastery through work is a waste of time to him, he turns to shortcuts.

From there, it’s not hard to see where the thought process goes. Since strength is to him based on control and mastery, he picks something that gives him more command over the road in a direct and in-your-face way. The man who drives a lifted Ram 2500 can confront you by running you the fuck over. By contrast, in his opinion, cyclists are entitled jackasses in miniscule booty shorts who can only confront you on the road by screaming “CRITICAL MASS! FUCKING CAGER!” and throwing sparkplugs at your windows. The difference in power dynamic is proof enough to our friend of who the “real man” is.

To take the mentality to its conclusion, the easiest way to gain mastery in general is through authority, and the easiest way to get that, even easier than joining a gang, is by becoming a cop.

captainlezbian,

As a gay cyclist I know I’m doing something right by pissing off cops without doing anything wrong

v4ld1z,
@v4ld1z@lemmy.zip avatar

Thank you for you service o7

Sheeple,
@Sheeple@lemmy.world avatar

Fun fact. Cops on average have lower IQ and often fail literacy tests. Furthermore it appears that critical thinking is discouraged in the job, with candidates being selected who lack critical thinking abilities over those that have them.

XEAL,

It sounds like this could be applied to the military too

Sheeple,
@Sheeple@lemmy.world avatar

The military doesn’t actively exclude smarter people. However they 100% prey on people who are less educated

Shiggles,

Certain departments specifically have IQ tests, in order to ensure you aren’t smart enough to easily get a better job elsewhere.

shalafi,

This internet myth has got to die. ONE case in ONE department, a quarter century ago, does not mean it’s a practice.

nytimes.com/…/metro-news-briefs-connecticut-judge…

aniki, (edited )

deleted_by_author

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  • Honytawk,

    Can you blame them if they can not find one from after 1999?

    shalafi,

    Because the 1999 story is the origin of this talk.

    Anders429,

    Anyone got a non-paywalled link?

    shalafi,
    CmdrShepard,

    I think it’s more nefarious than that. Many departments want a good 'ol boys club where they’re the ultimate authority and they want their officers to fall in line rather than question department actions.

    JoMiran,
    @JoMiran@lemmy.ml avatar

    We need to have a chat about your definition of “fun”.

    groucho, in Programmer tries to explain binary search to the police
    @groucho@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

    The final project in my instrumentation class was to tune a PID controller for a hot/cold mixing valve. I (CS/ENG) was paired up with an engineering student and a lot of it was throwing parameters in, seeing if weird shit happened, and then turning down or up based on the result. I had a programming final and something else I was supposed to be studying for, so I just started doing a binary search with the knobs. We got the thing tuned relatively fast and my partner acted like I was a wizard.

    clericc,

    How do you do a binary search for an open-end scale (are PID params open-end?) and three knobs at the same time when they interdepend in their influence? I need to know since i have a PID tuning on my personal projects plate

    groucho,
    @groucho@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

    It’s been ages, but we’d done rough calculations for the three controls so we roughly knew what we needed. Our teacher was big on manually tuning instead of just using formulas since he thought just running numbers “lacked artfulness.”

    So we grabbed a point and started searching around manually. I think we were just tuning the derivative portion at that point, trying to get a fast response without the system without it going chaotic and noisy.

    lingh0e, in Programmer tries to explain binary search to the police

    A police officer being unable to think in such a fashion is exactly why no one could solve the see-saw riddle on Brooklyn 99.

    Mr_Dr_Oink,

    How do you solve that? I saw a solution in the comments where it says to start with numbering all the people and butting 1234 and 5678 on the see saw, then it says if they weight the same then continue and that seems to work. But if they dont weigh the same it doesnt work and it doesnt say what to do in that case.

    NotSoCoolWhip,

    If 1234 and 5678 don’t weigh the same youd need 4 seesaws in some cases

    adrian783,

    you can do it like you weight 6v6 then 3v3 then for the last weighing you weight the 2 out of 3.

    or you weigh 4v4 to find out which grouping of 4 the light weight person is in, then do 2v2 and 1v1.

    ChairmanMeow,
    @ChairmanMeow@programming.dev avatar

    You don’t know if the person is lighter or heavier yet.

    Sagifurius, (edited )

    That’s not the question. Either the scales balance, and the third is heavier or lighter, or the scales don’t balance and you get both answers, but the question is purposely framed this way

    ChairmanMeow,
    @ChairmanMeow@programming.dev avatar

    I mean that not knowing it is part of the question, and the proposed solution doesn’t work without knowing if the person is heavier or lighter.

    If you know if the person is heavier or lighter, the question becomes trivial.

    Sagifurius,

    The question is to figure out who is different, not how they are different. That takes one more step, half the time.

    Mr_Dr_Oink,

    The question was to find who doesnt weigh the same and if its heavier or lighter. Watch the clip again.

    Sagifurius,

    That’s easy enough to answer, but he really should work on his grammar. In that case you just do 3 groups of three, weigh two of them. If they’re even, the third group is different. Weigh 2 membres of the third group, they’ll either be even or one heavier. Weight the last member against the heavier one from step 2 to see if they’re even or not for your answer.

    Mr_Dr_Oink,

    Thats 4 uses of the seesaw. It has to be 3.

    Sagifurius,

    That three dude

    Mr_Dr_Oink, (edited )

    Im sorry when i read weigh two of them i counted it as two separate weighings of two sets of groups. My bad.

    What about the 4th group? There are 12 people

    Sagifurius, (edited )

    Well I meant to write 3 groups of four. Same general thought just adjust the logic somewhat

    Mr_Dr_Oink, (edited )

    I’ve had a look into it, and it doesn’t work if you try to do it mathmatically. You always need more than 3 gos on the seesaw.

    There is a solution in the replies to my original comment that is the actual solution, and it works every time and is much simpler than any grouping method.

    It involves assigning a letter to each person and then aligning that with a grid of positions “left” or “right” or “none” on the seesaw. Over the three rounds. So, person A is on the right all three rounds person b is on the right for 2 rounds then on the left for the 3rd round.

    You end up with a list of 12 patterns that do not repeat or mirror any other pattern like “LLL” “LLR” “LRR” “LR-” etc. Then you do all three rounds and compare the position the seesaw was in with those patterns.

    If the seesaw was down on the left 2 times the down on the right the third time then you look for which person had that pattern in this case it was person B. So they are the one with a different weight and they were heavier.

    Equally, if the opposite pattern occurred. It was down on the right 2 times, then down on the left for round, then that is the opposite pattern of person B and does not occur anywhere else, so it was person B, and they were lighter.

    
    <span style="color:#323232;">person:  A B C D E F G H I J K L
    </span><span style="color:#323232;">
    </span><span style="color:#323232;">round 1: L L L L R R R R — — — -
    </span><span style="color:#323232;">
    </span><span style="color:#323232;">round 2: L L R R R — — — L R L -
    </span><span style="color:#323232;">
    </span><span style="color:#323232;">round 3: L R R — — L R — L L — R
    </span>
    
    ChairmanMeow,
    @ChairmanMeow@programming.dev avatar

    Yes, I’m aware. But with 12 people you can’t simply divvy the groups in threes constantly, because if you weigh and the groups are unequal, then you don’t know in which group the different person is (yet). E.g., weighing ABCD - EFGH can tell you the different person is in IJKL if the groups are even, but if they’re uneven you don’t know in which of the other two groups the different person is.

    RoyaltyInTraining,
    @RoyaltyInTraining@lemmy.world avatar

    Where is the piped bot when you need it

    Venat0r, (edited )

    You can just replace the domain of the url with piped.video:

    Piped.video/Mgqqzt6Iah4

    skydivekingair, (edited )

    For those looking for the handout:

    person: A B C D E F G H I J K L

    round 1: L L L L R R R R — — — -

    round 2: L L R R R — — — L R L -

    round 3: L R R — — L R — L L — R

    drislands, (edited )

    This would be easier to parse with a monospaced font. I’m not sure how that works in lemmy so this might take an edit or two…

    
    <span style="color:#323232;">
    </span><span style="color:#323232;">round 1: L L L L R R R R — — — -
    </span><span style="color:#323232;">
    </span><span style="color:#323232;">round 2: L L R R R — — — L R L -
    </span><span style="color:#323232;">
    </span><span style="color:#323232;">round 3: L R R — — L R — L L — R```
    </span>
    
    Mr_Dr_Oink, (edited )

    Oh i get it. So if in round 1 it tilted down on the right. Round 2 it was even then round 3 it tilted down on the right then it was person G and they are heavier. However if it was reversed and tilted on the left then even then left then it was still person G but they are lighter. Because that pattern only occurs once. This is brilliant. Thankyou to you and the person you corrected the formatting of.

    skydivekingair,

    Cool, thanks. I’m not the best at formatting when using my phone.

    TheBlue22, in Programmer tries to explain binary search to the police

    Police try to understand anything challenge (100% impossible) (gone sexual) (gone violent)

    TerrificTadpole,

    We just give all the tools to solve crimes to people who have no idea how to use them, no biggie.

    Madison420,

    *have a perverse incentive to not know how to use them or to know things about their job generally.

    zbyte64,
    @zbyte64@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

    Sat on jury duty. We literally said not guilty because the officer was supposed to follow a process for line ups and they didn’t even do the bare minimum. They were like we got out guy

    doctorcrimson, (edited )

    I once had a friend who was robbed of all kinds of stuff including a PS3, and that the guy was signed into his Netflix changing account profiles the very same day. I told him he can just get a tracking number by calling Playstation and that the active police officer can use it to track them. Thing is, the officer ghosted him for like 8 months despite having everything they needed to immediately find the exact location of the perpetrator actively using the stolen property.

    Cihta,
    @Cihta@lemmy.world avatar

    They don’t care really. As has been my experience anyway.

    I once had my car window smashed, a mix of gear taken…some was expensive, some was personal to me. I felt violated. Called the police, explained, gave S/Ns to what I could, told them exactly who did it. He didn’t give a shit. Actually made me feel like I was wasting his time. I think Seinfeld covered this…

    “We’ll let you know if we find anything” “Do you ever find anything?” “No”

    But oh, my reg is out of date and the plate scanner picked it up? Boom, they really kick it into gear. So that’s $130… i could just go take care of the tags immediately with a friendly warning but now don’t even want to. And in the end I end up pretty fucked.

    If only they put that effort into other things I just might have gotten my linear power amps back. Props to anyone who knows that product.

    snugglebutt, in GitHub Desktop or Git CLI?
    @snugglebutt@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

    git-cola and my own gitea server, near perfection

    Pazuzu, (edited ) in Programmer tries to explain binary search to the police

    I thought this had to be hyperbole, so I did the math myself. I’m assuming human history is 200,000 years as google says, and we want to narrow this down to the second the bike disappeared. also that the bike instantly vanished so there’s no partially existing bike.

    each operation divides the time left in half, so to get from 200k years (6.311×10^12 seconds) to 1 would take ~42.58 divisions, call it 43. even if we take a minute on average to seek and decide whether the bike is there or not it would still be less than an hour of manual sorting

    hell, at 60fps it would only take another 6 divisions to narrow it down to a single frame, still under an hour

    edit: to use the entire hour we’d need a couple more universes worth of video time to sort through, 36.5 billion years worth to be exact. or a measly 609 million years if we need to find that single frame at 60fps

    Moneo,

    Lemmy learns exponential math.

    Mostly joking, thanks for doing the math.

    rekabis, (edited )

    Combine AI image/visual-pattern recognition and quantum computing, and this search could be completed before it was even started.

    madcaesar,

    We can go deeper!

    Syldon,
    @Syldon@feddit.uk avatar

    A minute to decide if there is a bike in the picture really ?

    sukhmel,

    They must be really bad at solving CAPTCHA

    Pazuzu,

    Takes time to precisely seek to each timestamp, but really I just meant that an hour was reasonable even with a lazy cop doing the search

    Deuces,

    As a robot, finding bikes in pictures is really hard, okay

    MagnoliaMayhem,

    Just watch at 3X!

    psud,

    History is about 10k years, the 200k years is mostly pre-history. People didn’t write stuff down until they invented agriculture and needed to track trade between owners, workers, etc

    PointAndClique, (edited )
    @PointAndClique@hexbear.net avatar

    True and interesting to note. OOP says ‘dawn of humanity’ though, not recorded history, so taking 200k as ‘human history’ is also valid.

    psud,

    Yeah, I’m used to the narrower meaning of “history”, meaning recorded. I like that definition as it lets you differentiate between it and prehistory.

    PointAndClique,
    @PointAndClique@hexbear.net avatar

    Definitely a useful distinction.

    sukhmel,

    Well, in this case it must have been recorded on video, so could as well start recording before inventing the writing

    stockRot,

    Ever heard of a logarithm? If you haven’t, you just reinvented it.

    Also, your math is wrong: log base 2 of 200,000 is ~18

    CoderKat, (edited )

    You did 200k years. You need to do 200k years as seconds (the 6.311e12 they mentioned). Their math is right.

    Not sure why you’re acting like they claimed to invent the logarithm, either…

    rckclmbr,

    I regularly bisect commits in the range of 200k (on the low end) for finding causes of bugs. It takes me minutes. Pretty crazy

    UID_Zero, in Client did not pay?
    @UID_Zero@infosec.pub avatar

    Better option, have a good contract in place.

    Obligatory Mike Montiero video “Fuck you, pay me” - youtu.be/jVkLVRt6c1U

    Aatube, in Client did not pay?
    @Aatube@kbin.social avatar
    nearjsss, in GitHub Desktop or Git CLI?

    Why is no one talking about LazyGit?

    Phoenix3875, in GitHub Desktop or Git CLI?

    Why are they even on the same bus?

    rgb3x3, in Programmer tries to explain binary search to the police

    I’m realizing now that this would have been super useful when I worked in Loss Prevention way back when. Wish I had known…

    coloredgrayscale,

    Even without algorithm knowledge it should be fairly obvious that you can just fast forward several minutes and check if the item has gone missing.

    Not the most efficient solution, but beats watching the entire tape in real time.

    pressanykeynow,

    You can now go back working there with this new secret technique.

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