@Kolanaki@yiffit.net
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Kolanaki

@Kolanaki@yiffit.net

I’m just a weird, furry, pan guy (cis he/him). I also have a big, blue username.

Currently on Earth for 8 years ensuring steps to unite humanity and usher us into the galactic civilization just so I can see my boyfriend again.

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Kolanaki, (edited )
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I’ll just use my 5-finger discount.

Kolanaki, (edited )
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From what I see joked about in tv and film: toilets.

From what I know from people who have actually been there personally: Vending machines.

Also they have the most advanced KitKat flavors in the world. I want them. But they’re like specialities of specific regions kinda like Pokemon. It’s wild.

Kolanaki, (edited )
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Groove Life makes some fucking solid belts. And if you do actually manage to destroy it somehow, they have a lifetime warranty.

If you toke and like resin carts, Eleaf batteries are amazing. I was going through whatever I could find at smoke shops about once or twice a month before I got an Eleaf. I’ve had this thing for 2 or 3 years now… So long I can’t even remember exactly. It lasts for days and charges in like 10 minutes if you have a quick charge capable charger. Plus it’s compact and also has voltage settings.

Kolanaki, (edited )
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Mash, Blue’s Clues and MatPat.

For GenX: Mr. Rogers, maybe? Or, I dunno… Max Headroom? 🤷🏻‍♂️

Kolanaki, (edited )
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From my observations: Normal people don’t look at their phone; they listen to it.

If you’re expecting normal people to answer: Do you even know where you are right now? :p

Kolanaki, (edited )
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And those with motivation and willpower do it the old fashioned way. Plenty of people would jump at the chance to take a shortcut like downloading the knowledge into their brain, only to realize knowledge alone doesn’t make one a kung fu master.

Kolanaki,
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Ironically, the matrix is also the one place where you can negate the need for kung fu because you can just alter reality with your thoughts by simply believing hard enough.

Kolanaki,
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Bad, naughty, awful Zoot!

Kolanaki, (edited )
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Actual aliens will land and just be like “y’all need to chill the fuck out.” And then quarantine the whole planet so we don’t fuck up the rest of the galaxy until we get our collective shit together.

Kolanaki,
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“Actually it was the dolphins. You guys don’t even wanna know what they say about humans.”

Kolanaki, (edited )
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Now whether we’re talking aliens, extra dimensional beings or non-human intelligence is anyone’s guess but something is coming down the pipeline.

With how, just… Uncool everything turns out once it’s scientifically explained, that thing is probably nothing more than sasquatch. Instead of something that would change our very perceptions of reality, we just get a new species of primate that has somehow eluded capture for a long time.

Kolanaki,
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Birthdays don’t exist. That’s a myth made up by Big Cake to get people to buy more cake.

Kolanaki, (edited )
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“What is my purpose?”

“You help people get cancer by lighting their cigarettes, cigars, and pipes and occasionally arsonists burning down orphanages.”

“Oh my God.”

Kolanaki,
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I’d tell you, but you couldn’t read this anyway.

Kolanaki,
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One I have doubts anyone else might mention is Lupin the Third.

Kolanaki,
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Shidding and farding yoga.

Kolanaki,
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After me.

Kolanaki,
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stabs Satan in the back

“What? Murderer gonna murder. 🤷🏻‍♂️”

Kolanaki,
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I know those fulfilment centers are big, but I wouldn’t expect them to be so big you could lose an entire ancient city in one. 🤔

Kolanaki,
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I just heard a news story about a store’s toilet exploding and covering a dude in shit (who is now suing). I can’t help but think this is that very bathroom after they were taken to court.

Kolanaki,
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Penis steps in front of brain: I have a suggestion

Kolanaki,
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O’Brien’s been about half a meter shorter ever since.

Kolanaki,
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My favorite R2D2 line is before they meet Obi Wan in New Hope and he’s all like “ooooooo OOOOOO” in a frightened tone.

Kolanaki, (edited )
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This idea has me 6 feet from the edge, and I’m thinking “maybe 6 feet ain’t so far down.”

Kolanaki,
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Me looking in the fridge again, 2 minutes after looking in the fridge.

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