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ininewcrow, in Courting is now in session
@ininewcrow@lemmy.ca avatar

I’m so dreamy, it’ll give you sleep paralysis

Purgatoryemployee,

I’m paralyzed by your eyes anyway

LemmyKnowsBest, (edited )

twin girls named AL could be Pair AL o’ sisters

567PrimeMover, in They don't understand. We built these machines so that we can work more.
@567PrimeMover@kbin.social avatar

This is what I mention when I'm covertly pushing "radical" ideas such as 4 day work weeks. We have all of these technological advancements - Why can't the workers see some of those benefits instead of them being funneled to the top in the form of extra profits?

psud,

Try 30 hour week. It’s superior to 4 “days” of random length. I had a couple of Philippines based contractors on my team who had 4 day weeks, but they still needed to work 40 hours

Asafum, (edited )

We almost had a 4 day work week implemented at my job, but some Big Brain said “NO! We need to be shipping 5 days a week!”

90% of the time we don’t ship things out on Friday…

Wrench,

Executive bonuses

some_guy,

Who, funnily enough, seem able to take a day off whenever they like.

Wogi,

The machine must be fed.

The goal was never leisure. The goal was always profit. And so we feed the profit machine, and when we run out of resources, we’ll start throwing in sacrifices.

Because the machine must be fed.

gramathy,

If chatGPT was marketed towards workers filing reports for idiot bosses that won’t know the difference it would have been made illegal within the month

ivanafterall,
@ivanafterall@kbin.social avatar

You should focus more on the orgies and figs.

567PrimeMover,
@567PrimeMover@kbin.social avatar

Going to take this into account... I may have been approaching this the wrong way

Xanis,

Stop pushing the idea of four day work weeks. Begin promoting the idea of three day weekends.

I bet you’ll start getting different responses.

PhlubbaDubba,

Honestly I just like the idea of it because if someone decides they really want to grind for a bit they can now take up a second up to full time job without worrying about most of the shit employers will give you for that.

What I think should be the standard is a “full time” job being 18 hours in a week of work time, including commuting, with any time above every additional multiple of 18 immediately paying out as 2.5x the pay that’s been earned so far. Doesn’t just give people their free time back in spades, it also significantly discourages extorting workers for overtime instead of staffing adequately because now it’s literally more expensive to pay out any overtime at all than it would have been to just hire the additional worker at equal pay, and that effect ramps up exponentially too, by the time you’re at the soul grind of a 40 hour week you’ve already tapped your employer so hard it would have been cheaper to hire 5 additional workers than it was to make you work that 40 hour week.

DillyDaily,

My organisation does 4 day work weeks. But we chain our staff so only some of us have a 3 day weekend. My day off is usually either Tuesday or Wednesday (by choice, I could take Monday if I wanted).

It works for me because I have a normal weekend with my friends and family to do weekend stuff, and then my day off doesn’t really feel like a true weekend so I use it to catch up on errands, housework, medical appointments, etc. Meaning unlike most of my peers who have to do it all on the weekend, my real weekend is pure fun. I don’t do any serious housework on my weekend, I have a weekday where I work on myself and my home.

Olhonestjim,

Fuck that. 4 day weekends.

Sabre363, in I just have to get this frying pan...

I refuse to do main quests until I literally have no other choice.

WhiteRaven22,
@WhiteRaven22@midwest.social avatar

This is why I never completed the main story in Skyrim. Too much other stuff to do. 😆

DaCookeyMonsta, in I never learn my lesson

Stranger on the internet: Let me tell you why you are wrong to enjoy this thing and should feel terrible for having the gall to even try.

The_Picard_Maneuver,
@The_Picard_Maneuver@startrek.website avatar

Also, you cheaped out on buying that entry-level Hobbything 1000. You need to at least buy the expensive 3000 model to enjoy anything.

prettybunnys,

Yeah 3000 if you’re an idiot, for the price of the 3000 you’d be an idiot not to get the 3000m-ti, you won’t ever use the features but you’d be an idiot not to have them.

canis_majoris,
@canis_majoris@lemmy.ca avatar

I used to always buy a K series chipset even though I never used the iGPU. It’s literally like a 50-70 dollar savings depending on the chipset going from K to KF. I figured I’d rather have it for troubleshooting and not need it, rather than need it and not have it - but if you’re using the iGPU chances are your dGPU is fucked in some capacity, so it’s really pointless when you’re trying to troubleshoot a graphics card problem.

yamanii,
@yamanii@lemmy.world avatar

I still think it’s worth it and why I only buy Ryzens with G, my GPU died during the pandemic and I was able to hold out until I could buy a cheap mid range used in mining from AliExpress.

EmergMemeHologram,

There genuinely are cheap versions of stuff (like the Amazon basics hand plane) that suck so much they’ll ruin the fun in something. But if you pick anything with a decent name in most hobbies, you’ll be okay.

UNWILLING_PARTICIPANT,

this is why I say that “ti” stands for “totally ignorant” please don’t listen to them op, if you haven’t trained up on models 300 to 2300 variants m-nl to qq-pp then you’re probably just going to hurt yourself and your hobbythingcraft

FinishingDutch, (edited )
@FinishingDutch@lemmy.world avatar

That one is just plain truth though. I’ve got a few hobbies like photography, watchmaking, gaming, knives… The cheapest options are never good.

You should always buy more than you think you need at that time. Because if you do grow in that hobby, you won’t be limited right out of the gate.

You just wouldn’t enjoy playing the cheapest guitar, painting with the cheapest paints or cursing the cheapest woodworking tools.

I’ve always bought better stuff than I needed and have never regretted doing so.

EmergMemeHologram, (edited )

As a counter example, I bought a $100 camera from a pharmacy when I was 15 that took low to mid quality photos and I was so happy with it. I learned about focus, bokeh, framing, etc despite having like 6 preset settings, and that got me into photography. Later I bought a low end DSLR and took 1000 pictures a day during the summer.

For wood carving a $60 set of knives was enough to get me into the hobby, now I get to spend too much money on stuff.

Cheap options can be very helpful to find out if you like something.

frezik,

There is some minimum that seems to work well enough in a lot of hobbies. Can’t always go for the cheapest, but you may not have to go that high, either.

Amateur astronomers tend to hate on Walmart telescopes, and there are reasons for that. Still, the optics in any of them are better than Galileo had, and he saw a lot (admittedly, he also didn’t have a hopelessly light polluted sky). It’s a matter of setting expectations.

A $25 Baofang can get you into amateur radio after getting your technician license. There’s even a version now that doesn’t spew spurious emissions on harmonic frequencies and fuck things up for everyone else.

I once traded a somewhat older GPU for a fretless bass, amp, and effect pedal. The guy had just moved, his GPU died, and seemed like he wanted to get rid of some of his stash. While that was an exception, there’s probably some guitar guy in your city that wants to clear some stuff out and is willing to make a deal.

FinishingDutch,
@FinishingDutch@lemmy.world avatar

I started off with a Canon Digital Ixus as the first ‘real’ camera that I bought. Absolutely adored it. A full metal build and about the size of a cigarette packet. I took it everywhere and shot a few vacations on it.

But it honestly wasn’t until I got my Canon EOS 350D that I could actually attempt to really learn photography. Because now I could use manual settings, learn how to use them, use filters, try new techniques, get more creative, etc.

When I needed to invest in something like a flash, tripod or lens I always applied the same thinking: buy it so it can grow with you. Of course, eventually we got full circle and I ended up back at analog photography developing B&W Minox film in my kitchen :D

Anyways, I’ve never regretted buying better, but I’ve definitely regretted cheaping out. So I don’t if I can avoid it.

UNWILLING_PARTICIPANT,

Because I take on a new hobby like every five years, and sometimes give up before then, I generally recommend for people like me that you start out with the cheapest possible option and work your way up from there.

But my biggest hobbies are art, writing, fancy writing, preserves, baking, and game dev, so they don’t rely require much in the form of materials

UNWILLING_PARTICIPANT,

sorry but this is wrong you need to EARN the 3000 I’ve been a fan of Hobbything since I was 8 and even had a Hobbything themed wedding and even I wouldn’t DREAM of using the 1000 until I’d totally mastered Aspect 1, 2, and 3.

yukichigai,

PSP-1000 > PSP-3000 and I will die on this hill.

I_Has_A_Hat,

Or there’s the opposite:

“What a fun show, I can’t wait to see how the creator develo-”

Rabid Fans: “WE BELIEVE ALL THE CHARACTERS ARE GAY AND KISS EACH OTHER AND WE HATE THE CREATOR FOR NOT GOING ALONG WITH OUR HEAD CANON! ALSO, HERES 10000 PIECES OF FAN ART OF ALL THE CHARACTERS FUCKING!”

irmoz,

Queerbaiting is absolutrly a thing, and worth being annoyed at. If a show constantly hints that two same-sex people are gay for each other, then never actually follows through, that’s annoying.

Fal,
@Fal@yiffit.net avatar

Wait, what’s wrong with that?

frickineh,

Buddy, that’s kind of the good side of fandom. The bad side is all the people telling you you’re a stupid piece of shit if you like X character/plot/episode/whatever. Also, the ones writing the really fucked up fanfic that makes you say, “um what the hell happened to you?”

Electromechanical_Supergiant,

Those are exactly the ones they’re talking about, except they said fan art instead.

Really fucked up fan art …

frickineh,

They said fan art of characters fucking. That’s pretty normal. Not my thing, but I get it. There are WAY, way worse things people create than that that go way beyond even kinky sex. I’m pretty sure just the tags on AO3 for some of it have scarred me for life.

AVincentInSpace, (edited )

Ah, the “straight relationships are illegal” fandoms…

“Quick! The showrunners just introduced an opposite sex couple immediately after three same sex ones! We have to make one character bi and the other pan!”

“Oh my gosh! The mean-girl character just started sucking up to a kid she used to be friends with who has since become her social superior in the most transparent power grab of all time! It must mean she had a lesbian crush the entire time!”

siiiiiiiigh

UNWILLING_PARTICIPANT,

Why is it though that queer relationships seem somehow watchable/readable, but straight relationships are just not interesting?

Obviously this will not be a universal experience. But I’m straight BTW, love the opposite gender, just find those plots almost universally dull.

EmergMemeHologram,

I do hate that whenever I mention I liked an older show I get “oooh, you know about the producer/lead actor/writer right?” And then I find out something awful and depressing.

How was everyone in show business so fucking terrible? Did Satan require a cosigner on any new media produced or something, like what the hell?

feminalpanda,

Just humans being themselves. Power consolidates corruption.

Olhonestjim,

As a vinyl collector, it really feels impossible to completely avoid problematic older bands. So many of them pulled heinous shit, and often the bigger they were, the more opportunities they had to indulge their worst impulses. But how can we study history without acknowledging our ancestors accomplishments and failures?

I figure if they are dead, they can’t hurt anybody anymore, and neither can they benefit. Same goes for buying used.

banneryear1868,

I just accept that myself and everyone likes things that are shit and that’s okay. Criticizing and insulting media for being shit is also fun, but that doesn’t mean anything about the person who enjoys watching it because we all have shit we enjoy.

EmergMemeHologram,

Yeah, I love the messages and philosophy of Star Trek, but Rick Berman the guy who produced a whole generation of shows was allegedly piece of shit.

It doesn’t make Jean Luc Picard anything bad character, it just makes Rick Bernan a piece of shit.

GBU_28,

Objection stranger, you are very wrong and have fundamental issues! You’ll never get better.

Socsa,

Also, let me introduce the fan meta which will inevitably ruin the original artistic vision, by popular demand.

Xer0,

Also, I’m going to call right now the entire plot of the second season, and if it doesn’t aline with what I think should happen, then the show is garbage and the writing is bAd.

banneryear1868, (edited )

You’re not just wrong for thinking something different about a consumer habit I have, you’re a morally bad person for it too.

vexikron, (edited ) in When somebody laughes at your Facebook post, but you were being serious

That emoji captures how I feel toward anyone who still has a Facebook account.

Facebook got its angel investment from a front company for the NSA, and the NSA cancelled a project to figure out how to do mass domestic surveillance literally 24 hours prior.

xodoh74984,

Source please

doctorn,
@doctorn@r.nf avatar

It’s from a parody news website:

-The actual article-

So sadly not real, but I still thought it represented Facebook-folk quite well. 😅

Wogi,

What brand of foil do you use for your hats? I find Reynolds to be too expensive but anything else I just don’t feel like does a good job blocking the beta waves

vexikron,

I only use the tinfoil in my wallet.

I remember everyone calling me crazy in the early 2010’s for pointing out that the new smart chips in credit cards could be read by various electronic devices, and that this could be blocked by basically lining your wallet with tinfoil.

Nowadays of course you can just buy wallets with it neatly built in.

You can also line a backpack or laptop bag with tinfoil on the inside to do shoplifting, as long as they have the older style scanning towers.

JustAManOnAToilet, (edited )

csoonline.com/…/why-you-dont-need-an-rfid-blockin…

RFID-related crime isn’t only very unlikely, it’s non-existent.

vexikron,

So a crime perpetrated by highly technically competent attackers, that can be done and hidden easily by such highly competent attackers, has never been proved to have happened, even though this very article outlines that it is very doable…

Do you think this means I am somehow incorrect in stating that this is a thing that can happen? An article that explains that it can happen?

Or do you think it ‘proves’ that it doesnt make sense to worry about, or take steps to mitigate?

I got the RFID mitigating wallet I have for 10 dollars. Its a great wallet, easily worth 10 dollars whether or not it has RFID protection.

JustAManOnAToilet,

It’s a non-existent crime. You do you, man.

vexikron,

I mean, I know how to do it and get away with it, but I dont because I am a decent person.

JustAManOnAToilet,

I’m sure you do, bud.

kelseybcool,

What big brother doesn’t want you to know:

Any brand as long as it has nonstick coating.

wreckedcarzz,
@wreckedcarzz@lemmy.world avatar

Ms. Krabaple, I ate my foil…

6mementomori,

I prefer my tinfoil hats in cast iron

wreckedcarzz,
@wreckedcarzz@lemmy.world avatar

Yeah ima go ahead and slap a

[citation needed]

all over that until a cite is provided

Wogi,

His citation is just a picture of Obi-Wan Kenobi saying of course he’s got a source.

vexikron, (edited )

Apologies, it was DARPA program, and the funding came from the CIA, to Peter Thiel, to Facebook. Got my alphabet soup a bit mixed up.

unlimitedhangout.com/…/the-military-origins-of-fa…

I assumed this story was common knowledge?

Guess not.

Anyway yeah, when part of your job includes managing cybersecurity policies for a medium sized organization, its behooves oneself to do some research into the most well known data thieves in the world, the US Government.

_Mantissa,

oh neat, the author (and owner of the website) has a podcast, “Whitney Webb on deep diving into Epstein, 9/11, Covid, and more” “Whitney Webb is a researcher and a proper journalist.”

Now, I hate ethos based rhetoric as much as the next guy, but I think if someone hangs a neon sign on their chest that says “im an idiot” then I can just dismiss their ideas without thoroughly debunking them. I mean, I’m certainly not wasting an afternoon and the alternative is blindly believing a wall of text written by a known idiot. So I’m kind of backed into a corner here.

vexikron, (edited )

Ah I see, the author who you were unaware of until now is a ‘known idiot’, so you are not interested in reading then citation I provided.

Welp, cant argue with that!

_Mantissa,

No, read the citation. and I didn’t say known to me to be an idiot, I said known idiot, which they are based on the results of googling them. But Instead of thinking “that doesn’t sound right, better check that to make sure” I think “this follows the same pattern of other conspiracy theories and when i’ve researched them in the past they have all been misleading or false”. I’ve gone down that rabbit hole before and it always ends the same way. Professional misinformation is designed to be difficult to debunk but that doesn’t make it correct. and I’m not calling you an idiot for reading or believing it. I would suggest you dig a little deeper though, because that is at the very least a conspiracy (if true) and at worst blatantly misleading. either way, facebook is evil enough in daylight for me to wage war so I don’t really need to lie to myself to be more angry at them.

Kongar, in title

Interestingly, there was a time not too long ago where there was no such thing as returning your carts. No place to put them, and store employees fetched them. I always return my cart so it doesn’t blow away and smash into someone’s car - but I bet a lot of boomers think nothing of leaving it wherever - because that’s kind of what you did.

gerbler, (edited )

I’m sorry but there’s No way even boomers get a pass. It’s been expected to return your cart to the stall for longer at least 30 years. In some places you even had to put $1 into the cart to use it and got it back when you returned it ($1 was also a lot more 25 years ago).

There’s really no excuse for not returning the cart today and anyone who fails at this simple task of self-governance is no better than animal.

RagingRobot,

But who expects you to return it? The company that owns the store? What if I don’t return it in protest of their corporate greed? Who are they to make me do manual labor for free after I just paid them‽ Back in my day they would load your car for you. Lazy company CEOs are too busy counting money to keep their parking lots in order! lol

LemmyKnowsBest, in Sublime

deleted_by_author

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  • Zoomboingding,
    @Zoomboingding@lemmy.world avatar

    Presumably, they saw where the track lead before the turn and know the trolley was hitting at least one person. The passenger on the right only sees the one person saved.

    RIP_Cheems, in A small flaw in the naming scheme
    @RIP_Cheems@lemmy.world avatar

    What’s a tery?

    PM_ME_VINTAGE_30S,
    @PM_ME_VINTAGE_30S@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

    Electric current is actually carried by a bunch of microscopic bats. A battery contains thousands of these microscopic bats. A tery is a former battery that has been depleted of its bats i.e. a dead battery.

    Batteries are extremely dangerous because bats are known to carry rabies. Additionally, Harry Nyquist et. al. figured out on April 20th, 1969 that batteries with rabid bats can deliver more energy than batteries with healthy bats, so they are more dangerous now than they used to be. The bats are so rabid in home power systems that the rabies can kill you instantly if the bats get to you.

    As a result, batteries may only be used in devices that cover the batteries in a protective case. Additionally, the protective cover helps shield the bats’ echolocation from loud noises from outside the case so that current doesn’t get lost. Actually, this effect is why telephones sound so distinct: the current-carrying bats are getting lost as they fly towards the speaker because their echolocation is being disturbed by your voice.

    /joke.

    lugal,

    Most cars have a tery but what is it called in the batmobile?

    RustyNova,

    The battery duh

    RIP_Cheems,
    @RIP_Cheems@lemmy.world avatar

    Bat-tery. Battery.

    RIP_Cheems,
    @RIP_Cheems@lemmy.world avatar

    Oh. God damnit.

    metaStatic,

    Next to the 710 cap

    weirdbeardgame, in Billions must fry
    Supervisor194, in title
    @Supervisor194@lemmy.world avatar

    I return my cart if they have returns conveniently placed near where I am parked, but otherwise my feelings are well summed up by Zorg.

    OhStopYellingAtMe,
    @OhStopYellingAtMe@lemmy.world avatar

    Zorg was an asshole, and his story about the broken glass is a fallacy. (Look up: ‘parable of the broken window’)

    If it’s too inconvenient to return the cart after borrowing it from the store, then don’t borrow it.

    Supervisor194, (edited )
    @Supervisor194@lemmy.world avatar

    I didn’t borrow it, it was provided to me as a service for consideration. The consideration is the not-insignificant markup on all the food I bought from them.

    The practical reality is you will never get 100% participation in cart returning and the store will therefore always need people to run the parking lot. They know this, I know this, everybody knows this. Since this is the reality, you pay for the employee to return your carts whether you politely return them or not. Or did you imagine that the grocery store provides carts for everyone out of their deep-seated sense of altruism?

    byroon, in Billions must fry

    Billions must fry

    plz1, in Betrayal

    Children can’t legally sign a contract, so D.A.R.E. has no authority (and never did).

    MonkeMischief, (edited ) in It's cheaper is what it is

    There’s a lot of evidence that modern CBT therapy just doesn’t really connect with men very well. Mainly because we don’t really tend to solve problems by “considering more gratitude” or “trying yoga at sunrise maybe?” (Was a legit suggestion when I had a therapist lol.)

    Edit: yoga and exercise are awesome, and physical activity can be therapy in itself for many people! There’s some truth to the trope that some men like to hit the gym to deal with their complex feelings lol.

    Men tend to want practical steps and solutions to things. And there isn’t a whole lot of practical solutions one person can try to repair the effects of an increasingly alienating society and collapsing socioeconomic structures.

    Therapists can be very helpful, and by all means you should definitely try to find a good one.

    But sadly when you realize a lot of your issues are circumstantial and practical though, things like “Well I’m depressed and anxious because I feel everything is out of my control, like layoffs and rent hikes.”…

    …Sometimes it feels like the prevalent training and methodology seems to say “Well that sounds like a you problem.”

    There’s a really good podcast about this called “It’s Not Just In Your Head”

    And a YouTube guy “Dr. K” (actually a doctor btw) who runs a channel called "HealthyGamerGG.

    The topic is definitely worth analysis and discussion, why therapy isn’t working for men in particular, as it’s often swept under the rug as just “Men being stubborn and toxic” or whatever, but there is a lot more at play here.

    We need to make sure men are heard and cared for, before they get warped by all the “alpha grind real man” grifters that understand how they work, and use it for malicious means.

    EDIT: I’m really glad this seems to have started a somewhat productive discussion! I want to clarify that I’m NOT tearing down CBT or therapy or yoga or anything!

    I’m merely calling attention to certain blind spots I’ve experienced (and therapists have also been discussing) when it comes to how therapy is conducted, and how it might get better in dealing with how men tend to experience the world.

    Again, therapy is great and I encourage you to try it. But I’m mainly talking about why men shy away from it, and how we need to seriously talk about how to help them before they start thinking people like Andrew Tate have their best interests at heart.

    ikidd,
    @ikidd@lemmy.world avatar

    Nothing wrong with me that a million dollars or two wouldn’t fix.

    MonkeMischief, (edited )

    One of the hosts of “It’s Not Just in Your Head” mentioned this in an early episode.

    He said he’s talked to other therapists who’ve straight up wearily declared “I can only do so much to help them, but it’s astonishing how many people’s problems would go away if they just…had more money.”

    It’s a lot easier to train your mindfulness when you’re not in a constantly embattled state for increasingly scarce resources against a corrupt and uncaring system, isn’t it?

    There’s a point when mitigations aren’t going to fix the long term stressors that are causing so many people to snap.

    snek,
    @snek@lemmy.world avatar

    Situational depression is a real fucker. I understand what you mean. I grew up in the Middle East and everything was fucked right and left, people around me were depressed because of society, because of the economy, and because their lives never get better.

    I had to move our of there and start healing myself, my brain, my ability to deal with whatever life throws me.

    MonkeMischief,

    I hope you’ve been able to heal somewhat, friend! I can hardly imagine how awful that must’ve been. I’m glad you got out.

    I think another hard part of it is wanting to help. It feels so simple to help people, fix things, make it all better “if we only just…”

    …and at the exact same time it feels insurmountable, especially when you need to take care of yourself and that’s its own battle.

    dumpsterlid, (edited )

    “trying yoga at sunrise maybe?”

    Shitty half assed suggestion but for real one of the original big motivations of yoga is that a lot of people struggle with meditating and “just clearing their mind”. Yoga isn’t just about physical strength and flexibility, it is also about providing a very direct physical practice to make the process of mentally reaching a meditative state easier.

    I think it is a great compliment to therapy since in therapy you can talk about how best to rewire negative thought processes into positive ones and in yoga you can practice actually doing that while getting some good moderate exercise.

    MonkeMischief,

    Oh yeah totes. Never meant to bash yoga or exercise! That was exactly my point, that it was a half baked self-help-motivational-book suggestion essentially.

    dumpsterlid,

    Bash yoga at your own risk… very flexible people will hunt you down and offer you some healthy snacks

    MonkeMischief,

    Haha I do Capoeira, so the Yoga folks wouldn’t have to look very far! XD

    SanndyTheManndy,

    I doubt cock and ball torture would be well-received by many men.

    MonkeMischief,

    LMAO how did I not get this. Particularly dense today. All the upvotes suddenly make sense.

    MonkeMischief,

    LOL…wat?

    snek, (edited )
    @snek@lemmy.world avatar

    ©ock and

    (B)all

    (T)orture

    Iceblade02,

    Oh man, I can second HealthyGamerGG. Decent tips and aside from that also a pleasant fellow all around (at least that’s how he comes off in his vids)

    AutistoMephisto, (edited )
    @AutistoMephisto@lemmy.world avatar

    Mainly because we don’t really tend to solve problems by “considering more gratitude” or “trying yoga at sunrise maybe?”

    I feel like at some point all the therapists, at least Western ones, got together and decided that instead of helping men with practical advice and solutions, they would offer help that while being far less practical, would, at least hopefully, in some small way, make them feel a smidge bit better about the problems.

    Will yoga at sunrise fix the issues? No. Will it help you feel better about them? That’s the hope. Because, unfortunately, a lot of issues are outside of our control, so the modern therapy approach seems to be centered on getting patients to focus more on the things within their control, like how the things outside of their control make them feel.

    lurker2718,

    As far is i understand it, yes this is the point of therapy. I mean which problem could your therapist really solve? The can’t tell you what to do to get for example a better job.
    They can help you to find the root cause of your problems and may help you find a way to solve them. However, as you said, many of the problems can’t be solved by oneself. But is it useful to be in depression over this? I don’t think so. Is it useful to be sad or angry about this? Yes, i do think so. In principle this feeling shows you, that there is a problem. This anger may help you in some situations to get what you want. I do not think therapists want you to do away with the feelings. But where they want and can help you, is that these feelings do not take full control over your thinking. For example, when you a lie in bed, these feelings do nothing good.

    AutistoMephisto, (edited )
    @AutistoMephisto@lemmy.world avatar

    Anger is a catalyst for change. The problem is that, all too often the catalyst is used for destructive ends as opposed to constructive ends. And therapy can help to mitigate the chance that someone will use their anger to harm, but like the parable of the broken window, destruction can be creative.

    MystikIncarnate,

    Therapy is about the patient getting into a better, more positive, and happier mindset.

    Happy people, don’t tend to get angry enough to rise up and overthrow their oppressors.

    So yeah, there’s a correlation there, but if therapy was being used as a vehicle for “the man” (or whomever) to keep you from their oppression, IMO, therapy would be a lot cheaper, or free.

    To me, since therapy isn’t free for so many people, that’s not it’s primary motivator. The main push for therapy is in self analysis and understanding the reason why you feel as you do. All in an effort to help the patient have more control over their emotions, and feel better overall, or process through things that may have been very disruptive to their mental well-being. Everything from a sudden job loss to childhood trauma.

    I don’t think that any therapist would ever encourage you to stay in a situation that you were actively being harmed in (either mentally or physically). At worst, they wouldn’t tell you to stay in that situation, but also wouldn’t push you to get out of it, staying neutral. Bluntly, it’s not the job of therapy to tell you “that’s toxic and you should get out”, their job is to have you recognise that the situation you’re in is toxic and decide to exit that situation. They want to lead you to that decision, not make it for you.

    Long story short, the sum total of therapy in my opinion, is to ask the tough questions and honestly pursue solutions to any problems you may have in your life. The therapist is just a guide on that path, but you must walk it. If that leads to finding a new job or getting out of a relationship or something of that nature, you have to make that choice; the therapist can help you see things in a better, more neutral light (untainted by your own perspective), and think about things more critically, but can’t and shouldn’t be simply telling you what to do.

    This is a big reason why the stereotypical phrases we see in popular culture about therapists is that they’re sitting back, listening to you saying things like “how does that make you feel?” And “why do you think they did that?”… Because that’s what they’re doing, they’re forcing you to consider what other people may have been doing, or what their motivations were, and how it affected you. It helps you have perspective on what’s happening in your life and look at things in a way that makes sense, rather than just be frustrated by others constantly being demanding or whatever they’re doing.

    Therapy, IMO, is 100% about the patient making sense of what’s around them and making good decisions about what to do next.

    Simply put: you cannot control others and what they do, but you can control how you react to those people and how you allow them to affect you.

    MonkeMischief,

    You’re right! This is a very pragmatic approach and I’m not bashing it.

    It’s hard to articulate this properly, but if I’m bashing anything, it’s the empty corporate way that modern therapy has sometimes been co-opted by the self help industry.

    “Oh your boss yells at you? Maybe try some mindfulness to let it go.”

    It’s kinda sad because, from a personal experience, I’ve run into that wall where I fought the constant mindfulness battle, tried making my work stresses not bother me, knowing quitting and losing the income would be much worse, and that circle of crazy just never stopped.

    But hey, it helped me hold on until I could quit, which was a practical move that seemed to solve a ton of my inner turmoil. :p

    snek, (edited )
    @snek@lemmy.world avatar

    There’s a lot of evidence that modern CBT therapy just doesn’t really connect with men very well. Mainly because we don’t really tend to solve problems by “considering more gratitude” or “trying yoga at sunrise maybe?” (Was a legit suggestion when I had a therapist lol)

    Source?

    I’m asking because this sounds nothing like CBT that I did. I’m a woman, but it was gut-wrenching and scary to do exposure therapy. Nothing at all about yoga or gratitude… sounds more like traditional talk therapy to me.

    I would give CBT a chance, honestly… I feel like you have some kind of misinformed opinion or maybe had a crappy therapist.

    Edit: just for clarity, CBT is a type of talk therapy, but the stuff this person I’m replying to describes sounds more like traditional armchair therapist self-help-book Freudian therapy.

    MonkeMischief,

    Maybe we have a slight misunderstanding about CBT? CBT I’m referring to is “Cognitive Behavioral Therapy”, not exposure therapy. I hope the exposure therapy was beneficial to you though. :)

    Basic CBT I’m talking about is a talk therapy modality where the patient is trained to observe the cycle between their thoughts, feelings, and actions, and pay a bit more mindfulness to how they react to things.

    I don’t wanna bash it! But my point is, sometimes men in particular are not raised to understand or differentiate their emotional feelings on a deep level, so this talk therapy alone doesn’t really give them something “actionable” to start solving the problem when you keep getting asked:

    “So how does that make you feel?” “Bad?” “Why?”

    It can be helpful and it certainly helped me! BUT alone, it also has a blind-spot where it’s not as helpful to the way men experience the world. Usually much more externally, and less “pondering feelings.”

    I know I’m not articulating this the best way, there’s a lot of nuance, but I’m glad it’s started a productive discussion!

    I’m merely saying it can be better, not trying to tear it down. :)

    snek, (edited )
    @snek@lemmy.world avatar

    No, I’m confident about what I said. Exposure therapy is one part of CBT.

    I did CBT for PTSD and death anxiety, the latter involving large bits of exposure therapy.

    www.psychologytools.com/professional/…/exposure/

    Do you have any evidence about men having issues with this sort of therapy or is that a personal observation?

    Edit: honestly it sounds like you had a bad therapist experinece and that therapist has no idea what CBT is (and sorry to say, but neither do you particularly)

    Edit: had to add the passive aggressive smiley :)

    MonkeMischief,

    Lol funny how we seem to be carrying on different conversations in different threads. Anyway…

    So first, sorry if the smilies come off as passive aggressive. I just talk like that because I’m emotive, and it helps to convey a cordial attitude on an increasingly hostile internet. ^_^

    Second, basic disclaimer, not a psychologist, sooo…

    When I see papers like this, I’m inclined to believe CBT and exposure therapy are different techniques, if they’re being compared as such. But of course, the same practitioner can use different techniques and tools with the same patient.

    https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3347982/

    But hey, if I’m wrong and this source is wrong, cool. I’m happy to learn something. To be frank, semantics don’t super interest me though.

    So about men in therapy, my evidence is both personal experience, and secondhand reports from psychology professionals I don’t know personally, and isn’t gonna be revolutionary and mind-blowing.

    I feel like my therapy experience between two or three therapists was…ok. But I very often felt misunderstood, and like there was a fundamental misunderstanding as to what I was on about at the root of the whole thing.

    So, afformentioned Dr. K has a good video about this [(YouTube link, dunno how to share as Newpipe) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uf8bt6fGQyA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uf8bt6fGQyA)

    Found a thoughtful blog here that resonates as to the reasoning. I think he’s making sense. https://www.saltcitycounseling.com/post/why-do-men-do-so-poorly-in-therapy

    And I can’t find the particular episode, but these fine folks discuss it sometimes. https://www.youtube.com/

    It’s an unpopular opinion, but people in general, even psychologists, either see no real reason to particularly understand men, or worse and more rarely, actively find them repugnant.

    Hope this helps.

    snek,
    @snek@lemmy.world avatar

    I didn’t read the rest but that study looks st CT vs Exposure, which both fall within CBT.

    This is from another paper

    Most notably, exposure therapy (“exposure” or “exposure and response prevention”) is the key intervention strategy through which CBT improves outcomes for people with anxiety.

    www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9161762/

    I think that study echos who you have been saying, since it mentions that many CBT practioners may avoid exposure therapy and use less effective methods.

    Feathercrown, in Betrayal

    We had the banner in the lunchroom but we never had to sign anything

    kttnpunk, in Betrayal
    @kttnpunk@lemmy.world avatar

    Follow my OF so this stoner can get hers framed? I’ve wanted to put it up right behind the bongs forever

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