@Kolanaki@yiffit.net
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Kolanaki

@Kolanaki@yiffit.net

I’m just a weird, furry, pan guy (cis he/him). I also have a big, blue username.

Currently on Earth for 8 years ensuring steps to unite humanity and usher us into the galactic civilization just so I can see my boyfriend again.

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Kolanaki,
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Stephen Colbert and the Tonight Show Band?

Kolanaki,
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He’s got the money where he can be lazy and still fix his health. Hire a personal chef and dietician. A personal trainer and a gym. Take a minute and get a stylist.

And yet he still looks the way he does.

Kolanaki,
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No! What are you doing?! If you write them down, they’re no longer unwritten!

Kolanaki,
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My teacher dead ass said that to me when I was 9 and had a Casio wrist watch with a calculator on it.

Kolanaki,
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On God Fr fr?

Kolanaki,
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Teleportation. Doesn’t matter if you can see me when I can just pop in and out in an instant.

Kolanaki, (edited )
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If you ever get to breathe through both at once: it hurts from the dryness.

Kolanaki,
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“You literally just wrote ‘kill all humans’ and put it in curly brackets.”

Kolanaki,
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Lasting a minute against Moriarty doesn’t seem very difficult. Especially since I’m not Sherlock, and wouldn’t be able to pursue him even if I wanted to. 🤷🏻‍♂️

Kolanaki,
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Afterlife? Pfft. If I’d thought I had to go through a whole 'nother life, I’d kill myself right now.

Kolanaki, (edited )
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It’s literally just seasoning and dried bread you mix with hot butter and water. If it tastes bad: How are you fucking up when cooking it?

Kolanaki, (edited )
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Other than the safety of undercooking it due to increased cook times: It dries out the turkey which is already a rather dry bird. If you actually want edible breast meat, don’t stuff the bird.

Kolanaki,
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Soda Pop. Together.

Kolanaki,
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I don’t even know how that jello is a sauce. It just stays solid even when warmed up. It’s good, but, like… On its own. I usually put it on my dessert plate, not the dinner one.

Kolanaki, (edited )
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“Quality stale bread.”

🤣

Every boxed or homemade stuffing I’ve ever made tasted pretty much the same. It’s literally always garbage. Delicious garbage.

Kolanaki,
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Hosed? More like “best version of funyuns ever.”

Kolanaki,
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It happens so much in my house, I always check the TP roll before I drop trou.

Kolanaki,
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To jerk off. That’s why it sucks to have to clean them.

Kolanaki,
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I don’t think Jesus asked the prostitutes to give him handies under the dinner table.

Kolanaki,
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https://yiffit.net/pictrs/image/dfa868a8-ed7b-4df6-ab4d-0f1ebf3ee4ca.jpeg

Kolanaki,
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I have noticed that Spiner is a great physical actor when playing Data. Have you seen this man throw himself to the ground? The absolute best is The Collector episode where he straight up planks, falls face first on a couch and bounces to the ground without even losing his composure.

Kolanaki,
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“My gums always bleed when I brush my teeth.”

“That means you’re not brushing enough.”

“But I brush 3 times every day!”

Kolanaki,
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Gimme a the Thomas the Starship universe.

Kolanaki, (edited )
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How is this not the worst episode of DS9?

Two Jadzias. And one of them is horny AF.

Clearly, the best episode.

Where Are All The Bicycles?? (startrek.website)

I have an issue in general with scifi totally ignoring the existence of bicycles, but star trek is particularly fun to think about since in so many situations beaming down in an away team with electric mountain bicycles would be incredibly useful in a basic utilitarian sense. Like shuttles, bicycles could be treated as...

Kolanaki, (edited )
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Neelix had a bicycle… On the holodeck… While being brainwashed into believing he was a French resistance fighter in WW2…

But I mean… Why would you use a bicycle when you can just instantly teleport to your destination in cities that are also incredibly walkable?

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