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runswithjedi, in How to make fish cakes

Step 1: Have an existential crisis.

Agent641,

There are no other steps

driving_crooner, in Task failed successfully?
@driving_crooner@lemmy.eco.br avatar

Unethical life pro tip: want to kill yourself but left something for your family? Buy a life insurance policy, call the suicide prevention hotline and wait for the cops to kill you. Isn’t technically suicide, so the life insurer can’t deny your family claim!!

pulverizedcoccyx,

Insurance companies hate this new easy trick.

Sprokes,

You think the cops wouldn’t mark as a suicide?

chiliedogg,

Suicide by cop is a real thing.

Spaceballstheusername,

In all seriousness does the insurance still pay it if it’s suicide by cop?

slaacaa,

Probably not, most insurers love to have every possible exception in the contract (e.g. taking part in illegal activity), to get out of payment

M500,

It was suicide. Claim denied!

But he had a heart attack.

We have a receipt that shows he ate McDonald’s 3 years ago. This is clearly suicide by food.

Chakravanti,

It’s called “Gettin’ the job done!”

MystikIncarnate,

Or pay off the corner to list your death as natural causes or something.

Like my uncle did.

driving_crooner,
@driving_crooner@lemmy.eco.br avatar

What does that mean?

basxto,
@basxto@discuss.tchncs.de avatar

probably to pay sb in advance to falsify the death certificate

MystikIncarnate,

Auto correct got me again. Coroner.

For those that are genuinely confused, there’s two very important things you must know. The coroner is the job title for the guy who writes up what caused you to die. They do things like autopsies (when required), and they’re basically a doctor for dead people.

The other thing is the English idiom of “paying [someone] off”, which is basically a common way to not so subtley say that you’re bribing them.

So in plain language: there is an extremely good chance that my uncle bribed the coroner to ignore whatever he found on my uncle when he died and say he perished from natural causes. This normally implies something about self deletion and insurance, since insurance basically never pays out if you die by your own hands.

Is anyone still confused? Please let me know if you are and I can address any part of this that might not be crystal clear.

sukhmel,

It’s not quite about clearness, but if your uncle did that all by himself that means he must have trusted the coroner a lot. Which is a bit surprising with regard to bribing one, to my mind.

MystikIncarnate,

He had connections. May he rest in peace.

He had fallen in with some questionable types throughout his life, partly due to his work. I won’t get into many details here, I don’t want it to be traced back to his family or anything; but due to the circumstances he found himself in, bluntly, he was worth more dead, than alive. He would only be worth anything if he died “naturally” or something, since life insurance is kind of a stickler for that sort of thing.

All I was told was that he had made arrangements for his body to be found, and around what was going to be done afterwards to ensure that insurance paid out so his family would be taken care of.

The circumstances were kinda BS too, it wasn’t his fault, but he was liable and there was little he could do to change that. He knew what the outcomes were and to him, death was the better option. I’m not saying I agree with his choices. I had no real part in them, I was too young at the time to really grasp what was happening, and appropriately, I was not aware of, nor involved in any of it, and heard most of what I know through my older siblings and from my father (his brother). He apparently sent my dad a note the night before he was found dead basically summarizing what was about to happen, so it was very clearly planned. As far as I’m aware, everything went according to plan and though I don’t have much contact with that part of my family, I believe they’re doing just fine.

Just a touch more detail on the circumstances, it was some legal issue he found himself kind of “holding the bag” for (so to speak) so his outcomes were: (extremely unlikely) he would be found innocent, and allowed to return to his “normal” life - obviously he didn’t think this was possible at all. (most likely) he would be found guilty and sentenced to many years in prison. Being a convict would ruin his chosen vocation as there’s a lot of trust required in what he does and a conviction would basically exclude him from working in his field. (alternatively) he dies, insurance pays out, his family gets a big wad of cash, and he would be just as useless as if he was found guilty; but now with a pretty significant amount of money given to his family.

I don’t hold it against him. I don’t have any strong feelings on the matter. It’s just something that happened.

sukhmel,

It’s sad that people find themselves in such situations, my condolences… well, to him and his family mostly

AbackDeckWARLORD,

At least in Canada life insurance will still cover you committing suicide, but it has to occur 1-2 years after your plan starts.

EvacuateSoul,

Same with my policy in the US. Already have it seasoned past the mark, so I joke with my wife that I can make her a millionaire.

Got_Bent,

I kinda legit want to check the conditions of my current life insurance policies regarding suicide. Not because I want to off myself today, but because I do want to off myself if I get the stage four diagnosis or some such thing.

driving_crooner,
@driving_crooner@lemmy.eco.br avatar

Usually, after 2 years suicide is covered.

PM_Your_Nudes_Please,

Cops will still claim it was suicide-by-cop. Which is some top-tier copaganda, because it’s just another way of them saying “if you call us while in distress, there’s a good chance we’ll kill you then blame you for it.”

Lyrl,

Or hold on for two years. At least in the US, the non-payout for suicide is only allowed the first two years of the policy.

DudeImMacGyver, in Heaven's newest angel
@DudeImMacGyver@sh.itjust.works avatar

Spoiler: They’re in the bad place.

Son_of_dad,

According to Christians, Kissinger is in heaven and so is Dhamer

520,

Way to spoil season 1 for me!

DudeImMacGyver,
@DudeImMacGyver@sh.itjust.works avatar

Sorry, but Kissinger and the Dick isn’t even that good TBH

Evil_Shrubbery,

Idk, the animated series ‘Kissing Dick’ was kinda fun (if you think the worst is humanity is fun).

ABluManOnLemmy,

I literally just finished season 1 today. Thanks Janet

Altofaltception, in Heaven's newest angel

How did Nixon get there?

benignintervention,

He pulled some strings

XOXOX,

Gerold Ford let him in.

Evil_Shrubbery,

That’s just repeats the same question again, but got him.

FilthyShrooms,
@FilthyShrooms@lemmy.world avatar

How do you know who that is? Is this even heaven? Where are my goddamn labels that tell me what to think???

Altofaltception,

The nose is a giveaway.

can,

How do you know who that is?

By seeing hundreds of caricatures of him throughout my life.

ininewcrow,
@ininewcrow@lemmy.ca avatar

It isn’t heaven they’re in

Altofaltception,

That looks like most depictions of the pearly gates. There’s no fire and brimstone to imply hell.

BigPotato,

If it wasn’t Ben I would look for more subtext but the man didn’t actually label it heaven which is a bigger giveaway than anything else.

Garrison labels EVERYTHING. The fact that nothing is labeled here just means that either nothing is what it seems or this isn’t actually Ben.

grue, in Coincidence?!

You joke, but meteorite impacts causing large igneous provinces on the opposite side of the planet might actually be a thing.

(Uluru and Meteor Crater are provably not an example of this, though, for several reasons: they aren’t antipodes of each other, Uluru is five orders of magnitude older, and the phenomenon I mentioned would’ve been caused by way, way bigger impacts.)

Aussiemandeus,
@Aussiemandeus@aussie.zone avatar

I read igneous as indigenous and went into that wiki very confused for a moment.

On the upside it got me there to donate to Wikipedia

technicalogical, (edited )

Imagine tossing a rock in the ocean so hard that the ripples converge on the other side of the globe. That’s wild…

Edit: seismic ripples

justlookingfordragon,
@justlookingfordragon@lemmy.world avatar

It’s astounding that one can learn really cool and interesting stuff by posting random nonsense to the shitpost community, lol. Thanks for the link! That was indeed new to me ;)

Yondoza,

There is correlation evidence on Mars too! I don’t think it’s been considered casual at this point, but Atlas Pro has a really cool YouTube video showing a lot of potential examples. The Hawaiian Islands were particularly convincing to me. I’ll try and find the video.

letsgo,

Do they have to be antipodal? If we imagine a clock face overlaid over an image of the earth, if a meteorite strikes vertically (i.e. parallel to the 12-6 line) at 11, could it result in a bulge at 7?

evanuggetpi, in Mouthwash

deleted_by_author

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  • TheDankHold,

    Wow you must’ve drank a lot of water

    AceQuorthon,

    You pissed on your wife?

    fossphi,

    So y’all have two dogs as well?

    altima_neo, in The American mind cannot comprehend this
    @altima_neo@lemmy.zip avatar

    I can’t comprehend the joke.

    db2,

    It appears to be 'hurr durr ‘mericans’.

    MindSkipperBro12,

    deleted_by_moderator

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  • dragontamer,

    Europe has working public transit, so parking garages aren’t needed to the same level as American cities.

    FlyingSquid,
    @FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

    There are lots of American cities with large open-air commercial areas which are car-free.

    For example, the Santa Monica Third Street Promenade.

    https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/eb53d535-4050-4436-b9f4-961e29a1ac00.png

    Which has a farmer’s market.

    https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/080daf7e-27ac-4b5b-9d09-0347f2440d99.png

    dragontamer, (edited )

    Oh I’ve been to New York and the Wash DC Smithsonian, likely the two best public transit systems in the USA. BART in San Fran also is fine but could be better.

    But I’ve also gone to Madrid, Tokyo and some other cities around the world. There’s no comparison. Best in the USA is closer to average of Europe, while average of USA is pretty bad public transit wise.

    Ex: I’ve also gone to big cities like Nashville, Manilla Philippines, Los Angeles where things are closer to bus-only and the local traffic suffers greatly as a result. The general expectation in the USA is that ‘public transit is for the underclass’. In contrast, you do see rich people take Wash DC metro, NYC, and especially Tokyo’s subway. And it makes a difference when both rich and poor take the same system.

    FlyingSquid,
    @FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

    And yet plenty of American cities still have large, car-free areas.

    dragontamer, (edited )

    But all USA cities are car-first designed. As opposed to European model where cars are actively being de-prioritized on a city level.

    Except like, New York City. One place in USA where walking works extremely well across the whole of Manhattan. But further out is less good transit, but the central island is well made.

    bobs_monkey,

    Moreso cities on the west coast are more car centric. East coast cities predate cars by quite a bit. Sure many east coast cities modified themselves to accommodate cars, but their layout originally was suited for walking and horse travel.

    LemmyIsFantastic,

    Even though this image is the above ground view of a giant ass parking garage. You all eat this shit up hook line and sinker.

    cashews_best_nut,

    It’s a joke that’s circled round like an Ouroboros. Americans say “The European mind can not comprehend this” under images of racing trucks with US flags on. Then Europeans do this in response.

    So many have been made with varying degrees of irony to the point it’s meaningless.

    LemmyIsFantastic,

    👌👍

    berkeleyblue, in Bonjour, je m'appelle Jesus
    @berkeleyblue@lemmy.world avatar

    Ooooohhhh…. That‘s a bit harsh. What could she have done to deserve this

    Everythingispenguins,

    Being not French maybe?

    magnetosphere, in All in the Memery
    @magnetosphere@kbin.social avatar

    It’s funny/sad how many people take All in the Family at face value, and don’t realize the show runner was liberal as hell and trying to make a point.

    FlyingSquid,
    @FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

    Norman Lear just died a week or two ago. He changed the landscape of television for the better and it was because of him trying to make those points.

    ReeferPirate,

    How can my ignorant ass ruin him for my uncle then?

    Imgonnatrythis, in Not noice

    You can stop your mom from seeding on qbitorrent but I’m still gonna seed her.

    0x4E4F,
    @0x4E4F@sh.itjust.works avatar

    Nice comeback, you wanna repeat that?

    shadearg, (edited )
    @shadearg@lemmy.world avatar

    I believe what he said was

    📢 He would like to bend your mom over and fuck up her ratio, Mr. Garrison.

    Edit: Apologies if your ma is nice; them’s the rules.

    stoicmaverick,

    … Fuck her UP the ratio? Hot!

    Klear,

    Holy shit dude!

    theblueredditrefugee, in If only it was like that

    Inb4 nonlinear temperature scale

    ook_the_librarian,
    @ook_the_librarian@lemmy.world avatar

    It’s the only way this meme makes sense. It’s a complaint that humans don’t like the average of the temperates that produce the feelings of extreme hot and extreme cold. You’d have to change math, change physiology, or lose linearity.

    theblueredditrefugee,

    Nonlinear measures are used for

    1. Brightness of lights
    2. Loudness of noises
    3. Magnitude of earthquakes

    Why not temperature?

    ook_the_librarian,
    @ook_the_librarian@lemmy.world avatar

    None of those scales have negative scalars.

    theblueredditrefugee,

    Actually, earthquake magnitude can be projected to negative numbers. It’s well defined but it stops describing earthquakes. For instance, a -3 magnitude earthquake is the energy released by a cat knocking your cell phone off of a nightstand. (see page 290 of this book). Pretty sure the others are also logarithmic scales which are well-defined for any negative number. It just so happens that those negative numbers don’t describe anything we care to describe with those scales.

    ook_the_librarian,
    @ook_the_librarian@lemmy.world avatar

    That negative number comes from taking a logarithm of a number less than one. Not from a negative scalar.

    TseseJuer, in The plot thickens

    why does this look like the principal from mean girls in a fat suit

    Fal,
    @Fal@yiffit.net avatar

    Is that really how you think of Tim Meadows

    TseseJuer,

    yes I can’t picture him in something else it’s always just mean girls

    ryan213, in How to make fish cakes
    @ryan213@lemmy.ca avatar

    My friend doesn’t get it.

    kusivittula, (edited )

    step 1: 🙉

    Ambiorickx, in The lamest countries

    The number of tankies in this thread is just epic

    bigFab,

    I think the statistics show it all in the Korean case. May be lot of tankies here, but they’r bringing factual data.

    Arelin,

    So, pointing out that the US carpet bombed North Korea with 635,000 tons of bombs, killed 20% of their population and turned all remaining infrastructure to rubble is “tankie” now?

    You guys just can’t see non-westerners as human.

    OtakuAltair,
    @OtakuAltair@lemmy.world avatar

    The amount of zionists in this thread is staggering. Apparently fighting back against oppressors is a bad thing.

    sin_free_for_00_days,

    The number of people who don’t think Israel should exist always amazes me.

    TimeNaan,

    It shouldn’t if you know Israel’s history.

    robotopera, in The guillotine song

    Rip Trevor Moore

    Xoriff,

    Googled a bunch but found nothing. What’s the connection between OP and Trevor?

    niartenyaw,
    @niartenyaw@midwest.social avatar

    I think they’re referencing this song youtu.be/TMHCw3RqulY

    wrath_of_grunge,
    @wrath_of_grunge@kbin.social avatar

    your Google-Fu is a bit weak.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TMHCw3RqulY

    ThatWeirdGuy1001,
    @ThatWeirdGuy1001@lemmy.world avatar

    No Google just sucks ass now

    Itsamelemmy,

    It’s literally the first result.

    Trevor Moore Guillotine

    jared,
    @jared@mander.xyz avatar

    “Local Sexpot”

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