lemmyshitpost

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HowManyNimons, in Truly shocking

Am I the only one who reads this in Big Gay Al’s voice?

defame,

Gig Gay Al or Mr. Slave?

thefluffiest, in Lmk

Be careful. Before you know it they’re making you drink hemlock for corrupting the youth and idolizing false gods.

XEAL, in Fish are our friends

Reminds me off… (NSFW-ish)

Slovene, in Its a doggy dog world out there

That joke is stolen from Richard Pryor. “I’ve been doing coke for 15 years and I’m still not addicted.” Or something like that.

PeriodicallyPedantic, in play stupid games

How else do you store your donuts?

https://lemmy.ca/pictrs/image/1367d8c5-7678-4924-aa96-d5f6849a3d42.png

detectivesniffles,
@detectivesniffles@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

damn i ain’t got shit on that

SatansMaggotyCumFart,

You should shower if you have shit on it.

bl_r,

I store them in my stomach

Monument, in Lmk

I knew something once. It was awful.

Yannotron,

That’s an ace comment! Thank you for the smile provoking words.

JoShmoe, in Okay, okay, you talked me into coffee.

This sign would be more effective for a gun store. Here you just get the coffee but then what? The raptors are still waiting for you except now you smell better.

OpenStars, (edited )
@OpenStars@startrek.website avatar

But with coffee you are juiced up enough to… Oh no, YOU were the cause of all those juiced-up raptors out there, running around like Captain Janeway looking for her next fix!? :-( :-P

FlyingSquid,
@FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

Raptors are notoriously allergic to coffee.

photonic_sorcerer,
@photonic_sorcerer@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

I’m so glad to live in a country where gun stores are a foreign concept.

JoShmoe,

But are you safe from Raptors?

photonic_sorcerer,
@photonic_sorcerer@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

Yes! They’re extinct.

Or perhaps that’s exactly what they want us to think…

FartsWithAnAccent, in Open your eyes, people.
@FartsWithAnAccent@lemmy.world avatar

…but then who owns Red Lobster!?

HeyThisIsntTheYMCA,
@HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world avatar

Coast guard?

FartsWithAnAccent,
@FartsWithAnAccent@lemmy.world avatar

I should’ve known…

powerofm, in Lmk

Inertia is a property of matter

Tar_alcaran,

Also, the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell

ininewcrow, (edited ) in Fish are our friends
@ininewcrow@lemmy.ca avatar

As funny as this is … there is an actual viral photo and video of someone doing this in real life.

It’s another example of how screwed we are as a species.

STRIKINGdebate2,
@STRIKINGdebate2@lemmy.world avatar

Have you considered what lack of pussy does to a mofo. The guy making the fish suck his dick is the victim here if you ask me. The true Villains are the females that refused to sleep with him /s

funkajunk,
@funkajunk@lemm.ee avatar

Redpilled Master Race

also /s

IndiBrony,
@IndiBrony@lemmy.world avatar

there is an actual viral photo and video of someone doing this in real life.

There’s also one of a monkey using a frog as a fleshlight. The more we evolve, the more we stay the same!

ininewcrow,
@ininewcrow@lemmy.ca avatar

Jesus … is our universe just depraved by default?

activ8r,

Yeah, pretty much.

DanglingFury,

Our universe is. We came along and applied morality to it

Slovene,

There’s also a vid of a dolphin using a beheaded fish as a fleshlight.

funkajunk,
@funkajunk@lemm.ee avatar

That’s some real sexual apex predator shit right there.

middlemanSI, in Lmk

Ok who’s idea is this? I want a name.

Fal,
@Fal@yiffit.net avatar

Who is idea?

Kusimulkku, in If you like pina coladas, you might also like walks in the rain

I do love vinegar tbh

howrar,

But do you like ethanol? Because if not, then you actually like acetobacter more than vinegar.

Kusimulkku,

I do like ethanol

peopleproblems, in play stupid games

Ok, what?

Is the guy in this situation trying to brag, or does he not realize that A. it’s probably like 4 donuts and B. you ain’t gonna fit in the donut

kewwwi, (edited )
@kewwwi@lemmy.world avatar

the girl in this situation was allowed to play with it

don’t ruin all your fun with stupid analysis, kthxx

peopleproblems,

psh overanalyzing shitposts is my specialty

stebo02,
@stebo02@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

like 4 donuts

4??

peopleproblems,

Yeah. the donut I have here is about an inch and a quarter long. I’m in the upper percentile so I figured I wouldn’t use my size, so that round that down and 4 should be like 80%

stebo02,
@stebo02@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

i never measured a donut but I would swear it’s taller than that

peopleproblems,

I… would measure it, but I’m out of donuts. I’ll pick one up for the sake of a shitpost

zzx,

Pretty sure I could fit like… Two… And I think I’m bigger than average? Doughnuts are just way bigger than this. 4 is a huge amount of doughnuts. You’d need like, a 10 inch cock

peopleproblems,

Nah man, the ones I just posted top at 6" and some. I doubt most will fit in it though, I certainly dont

zzx,

Shit bro, you did the analysis… Can’t argue with results like that

peopleproblems,

It’s why I do it. These are important things that we should understand fully when discussing them

lightnsfw,

https://reddthat.com/pictrs/image/0749a2de-7ebc-4c27-a6d4-e6bf55a79e4f.jpeg

peopleproblems,

You know, not what I was thinking, but I can see how it falls within the bounds of my statement.

Starkstruck,

It’s a play on the “she let me run hot wheels over them titties” meme. Just doing increasingly goofy shit with your partner’s body.

peopleproblems,

fr thank you, I hadn’t seen that meme

Obi,
@Obi@sopuli.xyz avatar

What happened to simply hitting a line off her bum? Kids these days…

robocall, in Its a doggy dog world out there
@robocall@lemmy.world avatar

This is me with Coke Zero

key,
@key@lemmy.keychat.org avatar

This is me with vodka

robocall,
@robocall@lemmy.world avatar

!stopdrinking is a thing.

Noodle07,

You’re not alone, stay strong my friend! And keep me a bottle in the fridge

Wanderer,

My favourite tweet possibly ever

https://lemm.ee/pictrs/image/3c9079d2-5537-49f7-b917-52a0e0c15e0c.jpeg

BigBananaDealer,
@BigBananaDealer@lemm.ee avatar

ive seen the first but never the second

robocall,
@robocall@lemmy.world avatar

Trump drinks diet coke and would never call himself not thin.

s_s,

I still can’t believe twitter made Donald Trump a Potus. It has to be one of the wildest stories in our country’s history.

WaxedWookie,

Don’t forget that enough people were so impressed with his fuckery that there’s a very real danger that he’ll be given a second shot at it.

Kase,

This is so absurd. It sounds like it comes from one of those AI presidents-playing-minecraft videos on youtube.

Duranie,

I was too, until they changed the formula a year and a half/2 years ago? Started tasting more like Pepsi to me, not a fan. I can do Cherry Coke Zero on occasion, or if I’ve got a craving I’ll do regular Zero with a squirt of orange Miso.

Grass,

Please tell me miso is a brand and not japanese miso

Duranie,

Oh God - auto correct fucked me. I meant Mio. Like the concentrated drink mix that comes in small bottles that you can add to water.

Grass,

Oh ok. I have seen those before yet didn’t think of them somehow.

robocall, in Okay, okay, you talked me into coffee.
@robocall@lemmy.world avatar

I bet raptors would appreciate my humor

FlyingSquid,
@FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

They would laugh as they ate your face.

robocall,
@robocall@lemmy.world avatar

you’re just saying that because you don’t appreciate my humor /s

supercriticalcheese,

better not to risk it indeed

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