It’s actually kinda the premise of this old Chinese drama from like the 90s. It’s called the Plum Blossom Birthmark. This woman gives birth to a girl but decides to give her up because the show takes place in old times and she felt her position was threatened because her husband had taken on a concubine so she decides to swap out her baby girl for a boy. She brands the girl with a plum blossom mark on her back so that she can maybe find her later. Years later the little girl and boy grow up and fall in love.
Global warming aside, we went from industrial revolution to landing a truck-sized robot on the surface of mars in 250 years. I’d say that makes us pretty damn awesome.
We don’t have any other examples though. Maybe alien life all gets to physical dimension 5 by year 200 or something. Time being relative and all makes that somewhat feasible.
“A meteor the size of a Hot n Ready pizza that weighs roughly the same as four coal-rollers declared war on our freedom! Emperor Trump vows to destroy all meteors in the galaxy!”
Stop looking for a porn star. Start looking for a star that can float through the sky with you. The porn comes later… just like you should. Heyoooo.
But seriously. Clean yourself, dress nice, be a decent person, and have a little confidence.
Confidence isn’t talking to a friend and saying, “I finally asked her.” Confidence is saying, “I asked her, she said nah, but it’s all good. What you up to these days?”
With the rate of obsessive angry men in the world, I’d be amazed at any woman brave enough to give a straight “No” instead of a nonspecific answer used to get themselves out of the situation.
People aren’t just dealing with ”No”, but “No, and the chances that you’re a rapist are high enough I’m now scared of you and won’t give you a straight answer”.
Yeah that’s fair. “No” in this case is just if you try to see if someone wants to do more than just occasionally and/or randomly see each other. That happens when you’re trying to make new friends, etc.
There’s a lot of ways to say no. I just meant it generally. But I feel you.
The overwhelming majority of men aren’t rapists. But the overwhelming majority of rapists are men.
You’re smart and insightful, and even though maybe sometimes people don’t see it, I see it. And this was an important comment to make. Thank you for your bravery. Truly.
Do you want a friend, or a relationship? That seems very unclear from your phrasing.
The least you can do for people is be honest. Even if it leads to mild rejection heartbreak, it’s dishonest and hurtful to falsely claim you just want a friendship. Some women are just trying to make friends so they have people to fall back on socially, and find out the only three people they hang out with planned to get into their pants at some point. That’s not good for anyone.
No, I’m in a very long and stable relationship, and I have many very wonderful friends. I do enjoy meeting new people, though. You seem super nice, but I’m all set, but thank you so much for asking! You’re so sweet! 🥰
I really would’ve thought the context of being in a conversation about how people gain relationships would’ve made clear I was asking about ‘what you’re seeking’ when you give this theoretical relationship advice, rather than suddenly attempting a lifelong connection via internet comments, but hey, whatever floats your ego (even if that’s clicking a ‘down’ button).
I wouldn’t claim recipients of rejection are “victims”, since being rejected is a perfectly normal interaction; but this is so close to victim blaming it’s not even funny.
I’m reminded of playing through Class of 09, and 60% of the endings resulting in people claiming “If everyone is ganging up on you, Nicole, then maybe you’re the one at fault?” Real smooth judicial logic there.
People with healthy egos are able to register that someone does not want them as a romantic partner without having a crisis, yes.
I see I’ve upset some users today. This may seem like stating the obvious but clearly some people here need to hear it:
If you are emotionally devastated by rejection you likely do not have a healthy ego or self-image. This is the confidence part.
Assigning responsibility for fixing your self-image to a potential romantic partner is seeking external validation for an internal problem.
No amount of external validation will fix you. It will only feed the unhealthy expectations you’re already acting on.
Confidence is the external display of a healthy self-image (overconfidence is another example of external display of an unhealthy self-image).
Potential partners can sense your desperation for validation and it is not an attractive personality trait. It’s basically saying “I need you to do this emotional labor for me because I am not strong enough”.
Surely there exists a middle ground between being devastated by rejection and not registering continuous rejection as, perhaps, a sign that the rejectors have a point.
Emotional resilience is great, but if people keep giving you the same feedback maybe they have a point (and you should try changing, rather than brute forcing your way through social interactions, hoping to get lucky).
I’m not saying that you’re denying this, so I am jumping over some discussion, but tbf I think we’re both doing it.
Yeah, everyone here is like, “If you can’t handle rejection, then you’re WEAK and LACK CONFIDENCE! And you’re the ONLY ONE! Everyone else in the world is strong & emotionally bulletproof except for YOU!”
Why not assume they are having a bad day, they are just out of a previous relationship and they want a break, your just not their type (even if you had all the abs and a chiseled jaw and confidence they wouldn’t be interested), what if they aren’t into your gender, or what if they are in a committed relationship with their horse?
There are a lot of things that can cause it to be a no deal that are not your fault. If you feel like you did a good job asking, then it is probably one of the above.
And yet every other comment on this post is “just have confidence; change how you act and look and you’ll stop being rejected.”
It’s so silly to keep acting like attractiveness has zero to do with dating and likeability. Especially when there are permanent issues that are genetic or medical or whatever that go beyond “get a haircut and buy new clothes.” American society is super judgemental in general when it comes to appearance and aging (especially toward women), and identity. It gets much worse in the dating scene, especially now that it’s so frequently based on swiping left or right on a single photo and you’re competing with filters. Yes, there’s always the possibility of finding a group of people or a person that you fit in with, and you should always put work into finding that (if that’s something you want - not everyone wants to be paired off) but let’s stop throwing realism completely out the window ffs.
It could be, which is why my comment “friends, family, therapy” is useful, I think. If you’re noticing a pattern that’s upsetting you that you think could be an issue, talk with your friends, family, and a therapist about it. It can be difficult to identify issues we bring to relationships. It also might not be anything to do with you, though, so that’s where the support from others can prevent a bad pattern of beating ourselves up unnecessarily comes in.
Someone replied that therapy may be inaccessible, but now more than ever there are tons of sliding scale therapists, groups, etc that can meet in person or online, even for free. And honestly, I’m grappling with the issue myself that I need to prioritize my mental health and not let the monetary set back be an excuse. It’s an investment that will pay off
If romantic comedies have taught me anything, it’s to never take “no” for an answer, and it’s ok to stalk people because it will all just work out in the end when they realize what they’ve been missing this whole time.
This is unironically how my grandparents met, did help that my grandfather was rather intelligent and decently competent. Shame he was a dumbass and gave himself lung cancer, wear a mask when working with aerosols it may save your life.
Ooh look at the pro refrigerator jenga player over here, lording over us with his “I don’t smash four jars of pesto a week”. Must be great to be paid to play. I’m sorry that most of us are Sunday league
lemmyshitpost
Active
This magazine is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.