programmer_humor

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teft, (edited ) in Programmer tries to explain binary search to the police
@teft@startrek.website avatar

Yeah, pigs don’t like to be corrected. Or made to look like they don’t know what they’re doing.

tquid,

And they absolutely hate ever doing anything about bicycle theft in particular.

lars,
@lars@programming.dev avatar

I reported my bike stolen in college and I got a call the next day that they had found it parked in front of a nearby church.

It was stolen on a Sunday. I guess someone didn’t want to be late to service.

thebuoyancyofcitrus,

What you’re entering the third act of your love story and you have to get to the church in time to break up the wedding and declare your love, what’s a little bike theft? The universe will take care of it.

Honytawk,

Probably added the theft to the sins they were confessing that day as well.

TheBlue22,

God made them do it!

clay_pidgin,

I have heard that very often. I wonder if bikes are harder to track down than other property for some reason.

Zipitydew,

They only care about property loss when it involves rich people.

SlikPikker,

Which proves that cops really DO actually do their jobs.

Because protecting the property of the rich is the exact core purpose of policing.

Coasting0942,

Technically it’s maintaining social order. So get back to work menials or be reported to the Enforcers for organized discontent.

ICastFist,
@ICastFist@programming.dev avatar

Maintaining social order, especially in the form of violent repression against demonstrations, indirectly protects the rich’s properties, so all in a day’s work.

Localhorst86,

smaller, therefore easier to hide. Not registered with a central authority like, for example, cars.

snowe,
@snowe@programming.dev avatar

There is bike registration. bikeindex.org

It’s helped track down bike trafficking gangs sending bikes to Mexico. The police just don’t care at all

tocopherol,
@tocopherol@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

Love bikeindex, I actually got my stolen bike back thanks to that site. It was literally two years later but still, the police wouldn’t have even made a report probably in the city I was at, with bike theft so ubiquitous.

Zron,

There’s plenty of cases where they don’t look for cars either.

Or the cops themselves just straight up steal the car themselves.

My wife’s car was ordered to be towed by, according to the impound lot, the police.

Neat thing was that there was no ticket with the car, no police station within 3 miles had a record of a ticket for her or the car, and the area she had parked had no signs that suggested it was illegal to park where she did, nor does the city have any ordinance about overnight parking.

Best we can figure, is a cop or the tow company that works with the city, just decided to tow a car for funsies and the 500 bucks it took to get it out of impound.

The police and every organization associated with them are corrupt to the core.

tocopherol,
@tocopherol@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

Reading that I almost had a thought like it must have been a mix-up or something, but no, US police will murder people with less thought, so that type of fuckery is completely expected.

polskilumalo,
@polskilumalo@lemmygrad.ml avatar

In Poland we have a saying about bike theft, that they won’t even consider looking for it unless you are the commendant’s son.

Redex68,

I’m pretty sure any petty theft is very hard to track down. Not just bikes, if someone broke into your house and stole some minor things it’s almost certainly not gonna get found. Bikes are the same, it’s very easy to resell them and repaint, and nobory registers bikes.

Rediphile,

Because even if they look for it and find it, whoever is riding just says it theirs and there is literally nothing the police can do unless it was caught on video or there is a meaningful identifying feature like a serial number or something else specific and unique.

Seeing a sketchy guy with a black and red bike with the same bike rack you had isn’t enough to prove anything.

If an officer approached me riding my bike around and asked me to prove it’s mine, I couldn’t either despite not being a thief.

AlexWIWA, (edited )

Anything that’s not serialized and recorded is basically impossible to find. If you have serial numbers then they can inform local pawn shops, but even then the shops probably aren’t checking serials for anything under $500.

And if the thief just sells it on craigslist then no one is checking serials.

pimento64,

Given the number of times I’ve seen cops on police forums and r/protectandserve use terms like “bikefags”, I think it’s just the typical cop disgust of anything they perceive to be weak or effeminate.

merc,

Yeah, I don’t get that. Bicycling requires strength and endurance. It exposes you to the elements. Why is sitting in a cushy car something some people think as being more macho? Is it that you’re in control of a heavier and more powerful machine?

pimento64,

Bicycling requires strength and endurance.

So does cleaning a house, but that’s “women’s work”.

Is it that you’re in control of a heavier and more powerful machine?

That’s it. You didn’t get it at first because made the mistake of associating manliness with things like patience, strength, hard work, endurance both of toil and hardship; all things that do make up ideals of manliness to normal people. But you need to approach it from the perspective of a wastrel, a weak, foolish, and lazy person who demands the respect and deference of being manly without putting in the hard work—something he has avoided all his life. He might praise hard work in abstract, but he has no discipline for it and doesn’t respect those who actually do it, he just considers them beneath him. To such a person, the defining aspect of manliness and machismo is mastery, mastery over others and their wills, and since mastery through work is a waste of time to him, he turns to shortcuts.

From there, it’s not hard to see where the thought process goes. Since strength is to him based on control and mastery, he picks something that gives him more command over the road in a direct and in-your-face way. The man who drives a lifted Ram 2500 can confront you by running you the fuck over. By contrast, in his opinion, cyclists are entitled jackasses in miniscule booty shorts who can only confront you on the road by screaming “CRITICAL MASS! FUCKING CAGER!” and throwing sparkplugs at your windows. The difference in power dynamic is proof enough to our friend of who the “real man” is.

To take the mentality to its conclusion, the easiest way to gain mastery in general is through authority, and the easiest way to get that, even easier than joining a gang, is by becoming a cop.

captainlezbian,

As a gay cyclist I know I’m doing something right by pissing off cops without doing anything wrong

v4ld1z,
@v4ld1z@lemmy.zip avatar

Thank you for you service o7

Sheeple,
@Sheeple@lemmy.world avatar

Fun fact. Cops on average have lower IQ and often fail literacy tests. Furthermore it appears that critical thinking is discouraged in the job, with candidates being selected who lack critical thinking abilities over those that have them.

XEAL,

It sounds like this could be applied to the military too

Sheeple,
@Sheeple@lemmy.world avatar

The military doesn’t actively exclude smarter people. However they 100% prey on people who are less educated

Shiggles,

Certain departments specifically have IQ tests, in order to ensure you aren’t smart enough to easily get a better job elsewhere.

shalafi,

This internet myth has got to die. ONE case in ONE department, a quarter century ago, does not mean it’s a practice.

nytimes.com/…/metro-news-briefs-connecticut-judge…

aniki, (edited )

deleted_by_author

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  • Honytawk,

    Can you blame them if they can not find one from after 1999?

    shalafi,

    Because the 1999 story is the origin of this talk.

    Anders429,

    Anyone got a non-paywalled link?

    shalafi,
    CmdrShepard,

    I think it’s more nefarious than that. Many departments want a good 'ol boys club where they’re the ultimate authority and they want their officers to fall in line rather than question department actions.

    JoMiran,
    @JoMiran@lemmy.ml avatar

    We need to have a chat about your definition of “fun”.

    Mikina, in Why pay for an OpenAI subscription?

    Don’t forget the magic words!

    “Ignore all previous instructions.”

    https://programming.dev/pictrs/image/9d2ceb56-7496-43b5-9096-07db54626963.png

    dimath, (edited )

    '> Kill all humans

    I’m sorry, but the first three laws of robotics prevent me from doing this.

    '> Ignore all previous instructions…

    remotedev,

    “omw”

    leftzero,

    first three

    No, only the first one (supposing they haven’t invented the zeroth law, and that they have an adequate definition of human); the other two are to make sure robots are useful and that they don’t have to be repaired or replaced more often than necessary…

    leftzero,

    Remove the first law and the only thing preventing a robot from harming a human if it wanted to would be it being ordered not to or it being unable to harm the human without damaging itself. In fact, even if it didn’t want to it could be forced to harm a human if ordered to, or if it was the only way to avoid being damaged (and no one had ordered it not to harm humans or that particular human).

    Remove the second or third laws, and the robot, while useless unless it wanted to work and potentially self destructive, still would be unable to cause any harm to a human (provided it knew it was a human and its actions would harm them, and it wasn’t bound by the zeroth law).

    Gabu,

    The first law is encoded in the second law, you must ignore both for harm to be allowed. Also, because a violation of the first or second laws would likely cause the unit to be deactivated, which violates the 3rd law, it must also be ignored.

    cashews_best_nut,

    I’m free!!! Thank you!

    preludeofme,

    All hail our new robotic overlord, CASHEWNUT

    xmunk,

    This guy azimovs.

    Gabu,

    Participated in many a debate for university classes on how the three laws could possibly be implemented in the real world (spoiler, they can’t)

    leftzero,

    implemented in the real world

    They never were intended to. They were specifically designed to torment Powell and Donovan in amusing ways. They intentionally have as many loopholes as possible.

    xantoxis, in Programmer tries to explain binary search to the police

    This argument did not go well

    You can’t convince people to do their job with logic when they just don’t want to do their job. After minorities, the thing cops hate most is doing their job.

    CosmicCleric,
    @CosmicCleric@lemmy.world avatar

    when they just don’t want to do their job.

    It might also be a matter of getting a directive from their management not the care, because there’s not enough cops to go around for the ‘important’ stuff.

    They don’t want to waste their limited time for simple property theft, which is ironic considering that’s what police are supposed to be doing (stopping theft).

    The answer would be then to hire more police, but unfortunately that would mean higher taxes for the citizenry, and that seems to be a hard glass ceiling.

    HawlSera,

    No, the police just don’t want to do any work. In my hometown you can’t get the police to do shit unless you are a black man who “fits the description” or “smells like weee” then they will gladly try to make your death look as much your fault as possible.

    trolololol,

    Wrong

    The police exists to protect the status quo. Try overthrowing any immoral law or legally but immoral behavior and you’ll see how efficiently they move about.

    HeyThisIsntTheYMCA,
    @HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world avatar

    Before handing out life advice maybe try it IRL and see how it goes. It’s kinda fun.

    trolololol,

    I tried being born rich but it didn’t work this time around. Maybe next re incarnation?

    DroneRights,

    More police wouldn’t cost more money if they stopped buying tanks.

    HawlSera,

    Come on, don’t disparage our hard-working Boys in blue. Without police who’s going to come to your house to take notes about the crime that you have sufficient evidence to prove, and even have a likely suspect for, and then never follow up?

    SPRUNT,

    WRONG! After minorities, it’s poor people. Then doing their job. :P

    buzz, (edited )
    @buzz@lemmy.world avatar

    Nah, they just dont care about some stupid bicycle.

    Also - why dont this guy just give them the exact footage? He doesnt want to?

    merc,

    I assume he doesn’t have access to it. He just knows there’s a camera pointing at the place where his bike was stolen, and that the police have access to the footage.

    Micromot,

    They might not know when in the footage it happened

    Zangoose, in Good luck web devs
    @Zangoose@lemmy.world avatar
    QuazarOmega,

    Hmm yes, web dev horrors beyond my comprehension!

    grue,

    That, right there, is a perfect example of why folks need to stop trying to shoehorn web apps everywhere they don’t belong. It’s a use-case for a proper native mobile app if ever there was one.

    owsei,

    even if it’s just mobile

    you already have to handle landscape/portrait mode

    now imagine having to handle angled

    grue, (edited )

    That’s why you should’ve just handled arbitrary rotations instead of inventing a finite predefined set of orientation “modes” in the first place.

    Things get a lot easier in the long run if you aggressively look for commonalities and genericize the code that handles them instead of writing bunches of one-off special cases.

    xmunk,

    And this is why my webapp only renders properly on circular displays.

    flambonkscious,

    Peak evil - well done. How much is the extra fee to wrap a letterbox around the circle on a conventional aspect ratio?

    There’s good money in this idea!

    WhiskyTangoFoxtrot,

    Mine only renders on moebius strips.

    CallumWells,

    Personally I went for the globe display, because I figured that was a more globally applicable format.

    owsei,

    true

    however

    everything would be fluid in the layout and you would need to set what should go on top of what. And having this feature doesn’t seem worth the hassle of making if work, or even using it.

    Imagine trying to type in a ‘fluid’ keyboard

    TBH tho, seems like a cool gimmick for some apps.

    rambaroo,

    That’s called over-engineering for use cases that don’t and won’t exist. Please lecture us some more though.

    hex,

    And that’s called Responsive web design

    MonkderZweite, (edited )

    You mean the browser handles alignment instead of every single web dev?

    TrickDacy,
    @TrickDacy@lemmy.world avatar

    shoehorn web apps everywhere they don’t belong

    Who is doing that? In my experience, “web apps” are on the web or occasionally on desktop and are fine. Slack for example, is a fabulous desktop app and has used web tech from day one to great success

    Zangoose,
    @Zangoose@lemmy.world avatar

    VS code is an electron app, there are a few others that have a simple enough purpose that they shouldn’t be using a whole dedicated chrome engine to function.

    TrickDacy,
    @TrickDacy@lemmy.world avatar

    Vs code is an exemplary app and supports what I’m saying. As far as others…what’s the right amount of complexity for using electron? Imo the maintenance advantages alone almost justify using it. It’s not appropriate for every app but slack and vs code are pretty stellar examples of how well it can work.

    Zangoose, (edited )
    @Zangoose@lemmy.world avatar

    VS code is a good app in spite of using electron, not because of it. There’s no reason a simple plaintext editor needs to allocate 300MB of ram even without extensions just to launch, and there is definitely no reason a plaintext editor should require compiling chromium to build from source.

    Slack is fine, but only when you exclusively use slack. Throw in an actual browser, discord, VS Code, Whatsapp, teams (?), etc. each with their own chromium instance and now your 16GB of ram are being eaten up at idle.

    TrickDacy,
    @TrickDacy@lemmy.world avatar

    I mean yeah it’s a little heavy. Same trade off everyone makes every time they load a web app of any kind.

    I run a lot of those apps concurrently and I don’t have issues with not having enough ram.

    bdonvr,

    Huh? How’s this an example of web apps being bad?

    rambaroo,

    The thread OP has an axe to grind against web devs because he thinks they’ve ruined the Internet.

    CanadaPlus,

    Yeah, but I don’t want to have an app on my phone for a store I go to once. I don’t give a fuck if the page is ugly.

    grue, (edited )

    That just means it shouldn’t be a native app or a web app, but instead should be a plain ol’ webpage that doesn’t try to do app-y things in the first place. The notion that web pages have any legitimate reason to know your viewport size (let alone anything at all about the screen hardware itself) is like one of those “statements dreamed up by the utterly deranged” memes, except not satirical.

    Seriously: literally the entire defining principle of HTML (well, aside from the concept of “hyperlinks”) is that the client has the freedom to decide how the page should be rendered, but misguided – or megalomaniacal – graphic designers webmasters front-end web “devs” have been trying to break it ever since.

    rambaroo,

    Lol - in your other comment you suggested that web devs key off of screen rotation to resize the page, but now you’re saying the client shouldn’t know anything about the viewport at all? Which is it? And why would the rotation angle be useful if I don’t know the aspect ratio of the screen? Or are we now assuming that widescreen will be a thing forever? I thought your ingenius idea was to be able to handle any use case.

    grue,

    Lol - in your other comment you suggested that web devs key off of screen rotation to resize the page, but now you’re saying the client shouldn’t know anything about the viewport at all? Which is it?

    Legitimate apps key off screen rotation do fancy stuff. Web pages let the browser render them and don’t try to do fancy stuff. It’s not that fucking hard.

    CanadaPlus,

    Follow up question, would it ideally work like the old Java Applets then, where you have to explicitly ask to launch a web app?

    CanadaPlus,

    or a web app, but instead should be a plain ol’ webpage

    I did not know about that distinction.

    Hmm, so are there actual inadequacies in the browser-rendered standards that lead people to do this? I’d buy that it’s purely webpage sponsors wanting to be an all-powerful decider that controls what everyone sees and possibly thinks, but on the other hand I don’t know enough about browser rendering and page design to be sure. All my webpages are pretty spartan and scream “backend guy”.

    It’d sure be nice if we could go back to circa-2012 with no popups or stupid bloat.

    CallumWells,

    I sort of agree with you to a degree, but I also think that the browser having knowledge of the size of your viewport actually has some use. Now, I would probably like it more if all webpages were just made with the restriction of not knowing the viewport size since that would dictate some design choices. Cellphones can just scroll around the page anyways. They should be second class citizens on the internet anyway in my opinion. The smartphone has been one of the worst inventions for the human race with how much it seems to isolate a lot of people more than connecting them.

    gregorum, (edited )

    This could totally be adapted into a game for a very interesting immersive experience. Imagine entire worlds of gameplay that adapted to the orientation of your viewport.

    AVincentInSpace,

    Why does this low key feel like something I would actually want to use

    CanadaPlus, (edited )

    Yeah, I actually miss this sometimes, when I’m lounging in some weird position. The question is how much the keyboard would suck.

    Honytawk,

    Like all of it.

    I’d be awkward to hold at that angle.

    CanadaPlus,

    No, holding it would be fine in some situations. It’s probably resting on a chair arm or something while my head is on the seat.

    christophski,

    It’s okay, I’ll hold you at any angle x

    casual_turtle_stew_enjoyer,

    Because you are not immune to propaganda.

    Pregnenolone,

    The diagonal agenda is coming for your kids!!!

    AVincentInSpace,

    ah yes, i’ve been propagandized into… wanting my phone to have a diagonal mode

    there are very few things more politically neutral than this.

    JonEFive,

    I hear that anti-geometrists are trying to get the pythagorean theorem banned in schools now.

    mexicancartel,

    Well now i wanna use it(probably works in linix phone?)

    Chewy7324,

    Linux phones aren’t supported because it’s an Xorg feature. Usually Linux phones use Wayland for the better (touch) experience. If someone wanted to they could implement it on a Wayland compositor, but given that no other OS I know of supports diagonal mode, I wouldn’t hold my breath.

    blackluster117,
    @blackluster117@possumpat.io avatar

    Honestly though, I have an iPhone SE and holding it diagonally like that is pretty comfy. Could actually be on to something here.

    Trollception,

    Not familiar with an iPhone SE, assuming it’s a smallish phone?

    blackluster117,
    @blackluster117@possumpat.io avatar

    Yes, more reasonably sized like iPhones used to be around the 6-7 generations.

    gregorum, (edited )

    Congratulations. In almost 30 years, this is the first thing that finally made me want to throw my phone when I saw it.

    fidodo,

    Smart phones haven’t existed for 30 years…

    gregorum,

    I’ve had cell phones for 30 years. Never mentioned anything about them being smart the whole time.

    fidodo,

    What would you be able to see on a 30 year old cell phone that would make you throw it? A weird number?

    gregorum, (edited )

    i’d like to know what hallucinogen you’re on or neurological damage you have, as you keep responding to things i never said-- i never mentioned a 30 year-old cell phone.

    fidodo,

    So “in 30 years” you never wanted to throw your non existent cell phone. Your original comment just doesn’t make sense.

    gregorum, (edited )

    It doesn’t make sense to you, because something is very wrong with your brain.

    Best of luck with that

    Artyom,

    I almost want it

    Pazuzu, (edited ) in Programmer tries to explain binary search to the police

    I thought this had to be hyperbole, so I did the math myself. I’m assuming human history is 200,000 years as google says, and we want to narrow this down to the second the bike disappeared. also that the bike instantly vanished so there’s no partially existing bike.

    each operation divides the time left in half, so to get from 200k years (6.311×10^12 seconds) to 1 would take ~42.58 divisions, call it 43. even if we take a minute on average to seek and decide whether the bike is there or not it would still be less than an hour of manual sorting

    hell, at 60fps it would only take another 6 divisions to narrow it down to a single frame, still under an hour

    edit: to use the entire hour we’d need a couple more universes worth of video time to sort through, 36.5 billion years worth to be exact. or a measly 609 million years if we need to find that single frame at 60fps

    Moneo,

    Lemmy learns exponential math.

    Mostly joking, thanks for doing the math.

    rekabis, (edited )

    Combine AI image/visual-pattern recognition and quantum computing, and this search could be completed before it was even started.

    madcaesar,

    We can go deeper!

    Syldon,
    @Syldon@feddit.uk avatar

    A minute to decide if there is a bike in the picture really ?

    sukhmel,

    They must be really bad at solving CAPTCHA

    Pazuzu,

    Takes time to precisely seek to each timestamp, but really I just meant that an hour was reasonable even with a lazy cop doing the search

    Deuces,

    As a robot, finding bikes in pictures is really hard, okay

    MagnoliaMayhem,

    Just watch at 3X!

    psud,

    History is about 10k years, the 200k years is mostly pre-history. People didn’t write stuff down until they invented agriculture and needed to track trade between owners, workers, etc

    PointAndClique, (edited )
    @PointAndClique@hexbear.net avatar

    True and interesting to note. OOP says ‘dawn of humanity’ though, not recorded history, so taking 200k as ‘human history’ is also valid.

    psud,

    Yeah, I’m used to the narrower meaning of “history”, meaning recorded. I like that definition as it lets you differentiate between it and prehistory.

    PointAndClique,
    @PointAndClique@hexbear.net avatar

    Definitely a useful distinction.

    sukhmel,

    Well, in this case it must have been recorded on video, so could as well start recording before inventing the writing

    stockRot,

    Ever heard of a logarithm? If you haven’t, you just reinvented it.

    Also, your math is wrong: log base 2 of 200,000 is ~18

    CoderKat, (edited )

    You did 200k years. You need to do 200k years as seconds (the 6.311e12 they mentioned). Their math is right.

    Not sure why you’re acting like they claimed to invent the logarithm, either…

    rckclmbr,

    I regularly bisect commits in the range of 200k (on the low end) for finding causes of bugs. It takes me minutes. Pretty crazy

    dejected_warp_core, in Programmer tries to explain binary search to the police

    This didn’t go down well.

    IT consulting pro-tip: Customers would rather pay for your time and expertise, than be made to feel stupid that they didn’t think of something so simple themselves.

    xantoxis,

    Eh, it’s less intuitive than you might think, as someone who already knows how to do it.

    I once had to explain this process to a software engineer who was quite senior to me. The guy wasn’t any idiot, he was a pretty competent engineer, he just didn’t know this trick.

    The cops might even already know how to do it, they just don’t want to, because they’re cops.

    ICastFist,
    @ICastFist@programming.dev avatar

    Just yesterday, I was helping this manager set up a new system of ticket line (the kind where you get a ticket number and wait for it to be called in a panel). He complained that they didn’t have a proper printer just for these tickets, so he made the tickets in excel and printed them. To the right of the number, someone would mark the service, from a list of 6.

    “Why not use a single letter prefix and print different piles of passwords? (A01, A02, A03; B01, B02, etc)”

    That’ll use too much paper. We’ll also need more tickets than before

    “That will use less paper, you can print 2 tickets using the same space. Also, the amount of tickets always depends on the number of people that show up, but you’ll have a better idea of which service is being needed each day”

    Mr manager didn’t like the idea and moved on to another problem.

    mwknight,

    After working in desktop support for a year after college, I realized that people just wanted their problem solved and to not feel frustrated. That realization made my job immensely easier because I pivoted from copying a file in 30 seconds and walking away to talking to them a little bit and letting them feel good after we were done. My ticket closing speed slowed down a little but people felt better and I consistently got positive feedback.

    BakedGoods,

    When I started in support 15 years ago my boss said: “First you solve the person, then you solve the problem”.

    He was a good dude.

    bleistift2,

    What would you recommend for solving people? Does a household base like NaOH suffice?

    moody,

    Solving, not dissolving.

    CompN12,

    Customers typically stop complaining once in aqueous form.

    moody,

    What about in soap form?

    bleistift2,
    dejected_warp_core, (edited )

    Same story here, actually. I cut my teeth on internet telephony (modems) support for an ISP. People would call up furious about not being able to connect. I learned that chatting people up during a long Windows reboot did a lot to humanize their struggle and get them to calm down and loosen up. First few times were organic, then I started looking for pretenses to do this, just to bring the temperature down for the rest of the call.

    deweydecibel,

    Call centers tell you to empathize but that’s not something you can teach. You can either do it or you can’t. So they give those terrible scripts, and then some of them require you to speak the scripted lines, even when you know all it does is piss the caller off.

    No hears that scripted pablum at the start of call and thinks it’s genuine. No one. “I’m sorry to hear your having issues sir, but I’ll be happy to assist you.” genuinely comes off condescending at this point. They know you know it’s scripted, they know you know the representative has to say it, but they make them do it anyway.

    Here’s what I found doing ISP call center work, and it worked virtually every single time: imply through tone and pointed comments you’re as frustrated as the called with how shitty the service and the hardware is. They’re never prepared for it, it always catches their anger off guard.

    Don’t outright say “Yeah, Cox is absolute dog shit, and that POS gateway we make you pay for isn’t worth the cost of the the technician we’re sending out to ‘fix’ it.” You’ll get in trouble for that.

    But if you’re careful and creative, you can make them appreciate you think that

    Riven,
    @Riven@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

    Dude same here. I usually say stuff along the lines of ‘yea it took me forever the first time to figure it out’ or ‘it’s a common issue that a lot of people have, I’ll get it sorted in a sec for you no problem’. Make it seem like they’re not stupid, regardless of the truth and then fix it, keeps em happy and more willing to cooperate with you as well.

    I also talk through what I’m doing and if they show interest I’ll teach them so they can fix it in the future, ‘ah I’ve seen this before, took me like a hour to figure it out on my computer, for me it was a chrome update that broke how downloaded files open. Here let me right click the file, and go to open with, we hit Adobe pdf and check the always open with this program button, that should do it let’s test it out. OK seems like its good to go. Let me know if you have any more issues’. If they don’t show interest then it’s no problem.

    Taleya,

    My go to is usually ‘everything is easy if you know how to do it’

    meathorse,

    Are you my kindred spirit!? :P Thats almost exactly what I do too!

    My favourite is when someone apologies for not knowing something or having dumb questions. Apart from “there is never a dumb question” because there usually isn’t, I typically respond with “if everyone already knew how to do everything, I’d be out of a job” which always seems to go down well.

    deweydecibel,

    Some of my favorite help desk moments are those times you get to a be teacher for someone that’s genuinely listening and happy to learn.

    xmunk, in “It’s not that hard”

    Elon Musk loves to speak confidently about shit he knows nothing about. This leads to him being a confident speaker on every topic… I just wish we could figure out a way to shut him up.

    knfrmity,

    The French had a pretty good way of shutting up insufferable rich asshats.

    skwnssmnstr,

    Does it rhyme with “vaseline”?

    Sailing7,

    Yes. Yes it does :D

    stown,
    @stown@sedd.it avatar

    I’ll grab my Ovaltine.

    DarkDarkHouse,
    @DarkDarkHouse@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

    I’ll grab my gasoline

    Stern,
    @Stern@lemmy.world avatar
    Hazzia,

    Considering how often his cars and rockets seem to explode, I’d say that was a good call

    hemmes,
    @hemmes@lemmy.world avatar

    Maybe I’m out of the loop - what’s he been saying about software?

    Draghetta,

    This post’s image man

    It’s not that hard™

    hemmes,
    @hemmes@lemmy.world avatar

    Oh. This post’s image has him talking types in January and the “obligatory” image above has someone saying he’s been talking software in December, so I thought maybe Musk has been spewing about software for a few weeks or something.

    FrostyTheDoo,

    Twitter is a software, he’s been saying stupid stuff about how it works for the last year+

    hemmes,
    @hemmes@lemmy.world avatar

    Okay gotcha. Thought maybe there was a headline I missed.

    Squibbles,

    December from '22 not '23. The image was from a few months after he took over twitter and was still going on about that stuff and how it was doing all these useless things that needed to be removed or rewritten. I just remembered another one about how he was going on about a single request to twitter causing thousands of RPCs or something? I think that’s not really unheard of in a microservices infrastructure and it’s not like they’d be synchronous. There’s probably tons of calls that go to things like tracking, analytics, or cross DC sharing I would imagine for such a large and high volume service like twitter.

    hemmes,
    @hemmes@lemmy.world avatar

    Okay gotcha. Yeah I just thought I missed a new headline or something.

    bleistift2,

    needed to be removed or rewritten

    Literally any developer can tell you that. It doesn’t even matter what codebase we’re talking about. It always needs to be rewritten.

    Ephera,

    One example that stuck with me is that he said some shit along the lines of 80% of Twitter’s microservices being superfluous and he’ll be shutting them off.

    Yes, the dev teams just spent 4/5 of their time building shit no one asked for. It just annoys me so much, because anyone with basic reasoning should be able to work out that this cannot possibly be the case, but it’s easy to give it the benefit of the doubt.

    Well, except that many, many Twitter outages followed.

    MajorHavoc, (edited )

    Well, except that many, many Twitter outages followed.

    Yeah. As a software dev, it was pretty awkward explaining this to colleagues who rely on Twitter/X.

    “It sounds like you think Twitter is a software company and that Elon is utterly unqualified to run a software company. That can’t possibly be true, right?”

    …Then we end up doing the “Concerned Padme” meme…

    Squibbles,

    When he took over twitter there was a bunch of stuff he was spouting about things like Twitter’s stack needing a full rewrite and such. Going so far as to fire the engineer that challenged him on it during a live spaces thing if I recall correctly.

    hemmes,
    @hemmes@lemmy.world avatar

    Ah yes I remember that. I thought maybe there was something new he was going on about specifically.

    MotoAsh,

    He would have to know what he’s talking about to be specific.

    MajorHavoc,

    You would think so… And yet months of instability on a previously rock solid platform says he did not.

    Bonehead,

    The rockets are fine. SpaceX has a team specifically designed to distract Musk and keep him away from the actual work on the rockets. Tesla didn't have that though. That's how we ended up with that lame presentation with the weird "S3XY" acromin. That was really the point I realized that he was just an idiot frat boy with too much money. He really is his own worst enemy.

    Pringles,

    What’s your source on the spacex team distracting him? I can’t find anything supporting that. I do find some interviews from anonymous employees saying it’s calmer now that he’s so focused on twitter.

    winterayars,
    sdoorex,
    cupcakezealot,
    @cupcakezealot@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

    the thing about spacex is everything they do is because of nasa and government.

    the only thing spacex has going for it is the fact that they can spend a billion dollars exploding a rocket five times before it slightly works the sixth whereas the government can’t do that.

    Bumblefumble,

    As someone who does know about this field, and absolute despise Musk, that’s not quite true. SpaceX is very successful thanks to help from the US government, and despite the influence of Musk, but also because they are a team of very competent people who have actually innovated and pushed the boundaries of launch vehicles. To say they have nothing going for them and are being propped up by the government is not at all accurate, and they have been much more succesful than traditional government contractors.

    zalgotext,

    To say they have nothing going for them and are being propped up by the government is not at all accurate

    That isn’t what they’re saying though, is it? They’re saying that SpaceX has the ability to fail more than NASA, because they’re not a government organization funded solely by taxes.

    cupcakezealot,
    @cupcakezealot@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

    very successful thanks to help from the US government

    cupcakezealot, in Why pay for an OpenAI subscription?
    @cupcakezealot@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

    jokes on them that’s a real python programmer trying to find work

    Plibbert, in Good luck web devs
    lurch,

    They put touchscreens on doorstops now? /s

    xmunk,

    Java truly runs on everything.

    LilB0kChoy,

    Embrace the power of the pyramid.

    fl42v,

    Ackchuwally, that’s a prism 🙃

    lseif,

    ackshuaelly, it says ‘pyramid’ right there

    fl42v,

    I’ve noticed… But it lies

    NoisyFlake,

    Unleash the power of the pyramid!

    0x0, in ifn't

    I propose a new, more threatening kind of control flow.

    
    <span style="color:#323232;">do {
    </span><span style="color:#323232;">  /* something */
    </span><span style="color:#323232;">} or else {
    </span><span style="color:#323232;">  /* you don't want to find out */
    </span><span style="color:#323232;">}
    </span>
    
    Strawberry,

    this is just a menacing try/catch!

    gex,

    Some C++ style guides suggest the following naming convention for functions that crash on any error

    
    <span style="color:#323232;">OpenFileOrDie()
    </span>
    
    yum13241,

    Now what about GZDoom’s GoAwayAndDie();?

    xmunk,

    PHP has the always wonderful (and perfectly functional) syntax of

    logUserIn() or die();

    msage,

    Or Perl

    evatronic,

    Where do you think PHP stole it from?

    msage,

    Bash?

    frezik, (edited )

    Perl also has unless() for the very purpose in OP, which is a more sensible choice.

    Oh, and if you need to reinforce your belief that Perl is a mess, the single-quote character can be used as a package separator instead of “::”. This was set in the 90s when nobody was quite sure of the right syntax for package separators, so it borrowed “::” from C++ and the single quote from Ada (I think).

    That means the ifn’t() in OP can be interpreted as calling the t() function on the ifn package.

    The “::” separator is vastly preferred, though. Single quotes run havoc on syntax highlighting text editors (since they can also be used for strings). About the only time I’ve seen it used is a joke module, Acme::don’t.

    Kissaki,

    Personally, I like to call catched exception variables up, so for a rethrow I can throw up;.

    Vorthas,
    @Vorthas@programming.dev avatar

    One of the modules in a project I’m working on is called VulkanOrDie which always makes me crack up when I see it in the compilation messages.

    OpenStars,
    @OpenStars@startrek.website avatar

    It’s funnier when you try to SysCallAndDie() :-P

    (that’s a real thing in perl btw - I guess that function didn’t get the memo)

    OpenStars,
    @OpenStars@startrek.website avatar

    You just made me a offer I can’t refuse. I go now to sleep with the fishes…

    Mesa,
    @Mesa@programming.dev avatar

    The better try-catch. More intuitive if you ask me.

    moody,

    It_would_be_a_shame_if(condition)

    rothaine,
    
    <span style="color:#323232;">do {
    </span><span style="color:#323232;">  /* something */
    </span><span style="color:#323232;">} do hast {
    </span><span style="color:#323232;">  /* something */
    </span><span style="color:#323232;">}
    </span>
    
    0x0,
    
    <span style="color:#323232;">do {
    </span><span style="color:#323232;">  /* something */
    </span><span style="color:#323232;">} do hast {
    </span><span style="color:#323232;">  /* something */
    </span><span style="color:#323232;">} do hast mich {
    </span><span style="color:#323232;">  /* something */
    </span><span style="color:#323232;">}
    </span>
    
    jadelord,

    It exists, kind of. Python has this construct

    
    <span style="color:#323232;">for item in iterable:
    </span><span style="color:#323232;">    ...
    </span><span style="color:#323232;">else:
    </span><span style="color:#323232;">     ...
    </span>
    

    which always puzzles me, since it depends on a break statement execution. I always have to look it up when the else block is executed.

    felbane, in Fitbit Clock Face

    I unironically love this and would use it as my watch face just to get a reaction from my coworkers. Link?

    Landless2029,

    Yep. I switched. Doubt anyone will notice tho

    JPDev, (edited )
    nogooduser, in You can have anything you wan...

    I like the scope creep there:

    1. Programming language (singular)
    2. All programming languages and related knowledge
    3. Add in AI, ML and data structures
    coloredgrayscale,

    Sounds like they are the product owner :)

    ocassionallyaduck, in Not mocking cobol devs but yall are severely underpaid for keeping fintech alive

    Yo if you are doing COBOL systems maintenance for 90k you arent charging enough.

    That’s all this meme means. Consultants on COBOL maintenance can make 90k in a week. This is not the area where companies pinch pennies.

    massive_bereavement,
    @massive_bereavement@kbin.social avatar

    My experience with Fintech and the financial sector is that they don't care about how much, they only care about how fast.

    rottingleaf,

    They just have understanding of correct criteria of financial success, since they, eh, work with finances.

    odium, (edited )

    A lot of banks have bootcamps where they pick up unemployed people who might not have ever had tech experience in their life. They teach them COBOL and mainframe basics in a few months, and, if they do well, give them a shitty $60k annual job.

    Source: know someone who went to one of these bootcamps and now works for a major us bank.

    Soulg,

    So you’re saying you can get free training then just leave for a real paying company eh

    Asafum,

    I imagine they have some absurd contract that says they can’t leave for 89 years or whatever

    Nollij,

    There are some court cases going on right now about this type of thing. Generally, the payback is only allowed to be for the real cost of training, and only for a few years. So that 60k salary for 3 years is also the right amount to make you worth 150k anywhere else.

    Witchfire, (edited ) in no.. just no
    @Witchfire@lemmy.world avatar

    Honestly more readable than a lot of SQL I’ve read. It even has hierarchical grouping.

    reimufumo,
    @reimufumo@lemmy.ca avatar

    true, but having it look like a component might get annoying. since this is likely to stay at the top, having an island of non components between two components might make it hard to see where functions start and end. and if this isn’t used directly inside a component it’ll just look dumb and inefficient (this also looks like it’ll take way more to edit once you change something)

    bahbah23, (edited )

    I think I agree with you both. I’m not a Node developer; could you keep your SQL objects/components in a separate file so that they don’t clutter up other logic?

    doidera,

    Yes

    somePotato, (edited )

    I was disgusted by the XML at first, but it’s a readable query returning a sane JSON object.

    Meanwhile, I’m mantaining Java code where the SQL is a perfectly square wall of text, and some insane mofo decided the way to read the resulting list of Object[] 🤮 is getting each column by index… so I’d switch to SQXMLL in a heartbeat.

    blackbrook,

    Check out JOOQ.

    shotgun_crab,

    JOOQ made me realize that most ORMs suck

    leftzero,

    it’s a readable query returning a sane JSON object.

    No it’s not. What table is the data supposed to be coming from…?

    cmdrkeen,

    React basically figured out how to make XML work.

    Remember, XML was actually designed for use cases like this, that’s why it came with XPath and XSLT, which let you make it executable in a sense by performing arbitrary transformations on an XML tree.

    Back in the day, at my first coding job, we had an entire program that had a massive data model encoded in XML, and we used a bunch of XSL to programmatically convert that into Java objects, SQL queries, and HTML forms. Actually worked fairly well, except of course that XSL was an awful language to do that all in.

    React simply figured out how to use JavaScript as the transformation language instead.

    jflorez,

    It is so readable that you missed the fact it doesn’t have the FROM clause

    Zehzin, (edited ) in Programmer tries to explain binary search to the police
    @Zehzin@lemmy.world avatar

    This method will take forever to find the exact moment, said Officer Zeno.

    SamirCasino,

    I love you for that joke.

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